这是给你的一个问题 Here's a question for you
孩子们更需要哪个?父亲还是爸爸? What do kids need more? A father or a dad?
有什么区别呢? What's the difference?
在我看来,太近了 任何人都可以成为父亲 The way I see it,darn near anyone can be a father
但不是每个人能成为有耐心和奉献的爸爸 but not everyone has the patience or the devotion to be a dad
至于我… As for me...
有人抓到国王了吗? Anybody caught a Monarch yet?
我一直希望能成为一名爸爸 ... I've always wanted to be a dad
让我告诉你 我太喜欢了! Let me tell you,I love it!
是啊! Yeah!
我爱我的Ford Flex车 And I love my Ford Flex.
开着它很平顺,你知道吗? It treats me to a smooth ride,and you know what?
它不会让你倾家荡产 It didn't break the bank.
空间足够全家 Room enough for the whole family.
是的 我喜欢当爸爸 Yes,I love being a dad.
而且我爱这两个可爱的小太阳 And I love these two adorable little rays of sunshine.
嗨,Dylan!早上好 Hey,Dylan! Good morning.
无论什么 Whatever.
对了,我不是他们真正的爸爸 Okay. I'm not their real dad.
Whitaker先生,早上好 Good morning,Mr. Whitaker.
我是他们的继父 早上好,Megan I'm their stepdad. Good morning,Megan.
你能把这张贴在冰箱上吗? Can you please put this on the fridge?
嗯,当然 你画了又一张我们的全家画吗？ Well,sure. Did you do another drawing of our family?
这是我和Dylan和妈妈 That's me and Dylan and Mommy.
太好了 So great.
这里,很远很远的地方 And over here,far,far away,
是你 is you.
我戴着棒球帽吗? And am I wearing a baseball cap?
那是一把刀插在你头上 因为我在挖你的眼睛出来 That's the knife in your head cause I was killing you in the eye.
我明白了 I see.
我喜欢你这样画我的头发 Well,I love how you drew my hair.
那是一坨大便 That's poop.
哦 画的很好 我猜那是狗大便吗? Well,it's well-drawn. And I'm guessing it's dog poop?
那是流浪汉的大便 That's homeless man poop.
好吧 All right.
我其实没办法当一个真正有小孩的父亲 I actually can't father my own children,
这要从之前在牙医那发生的一件事说起 ever since I hit a little snafu at a dental office.
我有一点点的呕吐反射 I've got a little bit of a gag reflex.
闭上眼睛,深呼吸,你会没事的 Close your eyes,breathe through your nose,you'll be fine.
好吧 Okay.
你的舌头太奇怪了 你需要好好用牙线剔牙 You got a really weird tongue.You need to floss better
从那时起,我的睾丸一直就成为了装饰品 Ever since then,my testicles have been more decorative than anything else
嘿! Hey!
我从未想过有一个家庭 And I thought I'd never have a family.
直到我遇到了极为漂亮的妈妈 Sara Until I met a stunning mom named Sara
你看她怎样? Would you look at her?
我是一个幸运先生 我中了大奖 I am one lucky so-and-so. I hit the jackpot
Hi. Hi
抱歉我讲太久了 Sorry I'm taking so long.
我必须给那些新客户展示Sixty West大楼 I have to show that Sixty West building to those new clients
我知道 I know.
哦,我的上帝!孩子们的午餐 已经包好了 我给他们写了 Oh,my God! The kids' lunches. Already packed. I wrote them
一点心灵鸡汤 开始他们的一天 little inspirational notes to start them on their day.
他们已经吃过早餐,你看起来很完美 They've already eaten their breakfasts,and you look perfect.
你真棒 You are amazing.
看看这个,嗯? 又一幅家庭画 Look at this,huh? Another family drawing
不 我很抱歉 No. I am so sorry.
不,我想你搞错了 这是第一幅画 No,I think you're misunderstanding. This is the first drawing
画上我居然还没有死 where I'm not dead already.
当然,在我的眼睛有一把刀 Sure,I've got a knife in my eye
和流浪汉的大便在我的头上, and some homeless man poop on my head,
但这是真正的进步 but this is showing real progress.
我想她开始接受我了 I think she's starting to accept me.
你总是看到积极的一面 You can find the good in just about anything.
我爱你那样 你知道吗? I love that about you. You know that?
谢谢 Thanks.
哈罗 我回来了 Hello. I'm home.
嘿 Hey.
是怎样的…… How was the...
怎么了? What's wrong?
他不会跟我说话 他说他只是想和你谈谈 He won't talk to me. He said he only wants to talk to you.
你想跟我说话吗? You want to talk to me?
真的吗? Really?
你的意思是我和你妈妈吗? You mean me and your mom?
只是我吗? 就我一个? Just me? By myself?
确定 我… Sure. I'm...
我完全有空 让我们去书房 一起坐下聊 I'm totally free. Let's go to the den.We'll sit there.
我们一起坐 我们要坐下还是站着聊? We'll sit. We can do it sitting or standing?
没关系 我们就去聊聊 Doesn't matter. We're just gonna do it
我们不必太多去想 是的 太好了 好的,很好 We're not gonna overthink it. Yeah. Great. Okay,good
男人,是的 一个座谈会 很好 Just the men,yeah. A little rap session. Great
哦,我的上帝 Oh,my God.
我只是想让你知道我只是来听 好吧? I just want you to know that I'm just here to listen. All right?
没有判断,没有教导,只是一只有同情心的耳朵 No judgments,no lectures,just a compassionate ear
有些孩子在学校… Well,there are these kids at school...
他们比我大,因为他们是四年级的学生 and they're bigger than me,because they're fourth graders
然后 And...
那奇怪吗? Was that weird?
对不起,我只是…… I'm sorry,I'm just...
我只是想记录这历史性的一刻. It's a big moment for me,and I'm just trying to capture it
只是变得有点尴尬 It just came off awkward.
所以,继续,继续说你的故事 四年级什么事 So,go ahead,continue telling your story. Fourth graders
不管怎样,这些四年级,… Anyway,there are these fourth graders,and...
他真的信任我 He actually confided in me.
我的意思是,这是我一直渴望的父子感觉 I mean,it was that father-son feeling I've been dying for,
甚至比我原想的更好 and it was even better than I thought it was gonna be
我的意思是,他真的需要我 我 I mean,he really needed me. Me.
那真是太棒了 亲爱的 That is so great,honey.
他甚至说让我不告诉你 He even said not to tell you.
所以我实际上现在完全辜负他的信任 So I'm actually totally betraying his trust right now
对那些流鼻涕的四年级小孩我们要做什么呢? What are we gonna do about those little snot-nosed fourth graders?
我想会没事的 I think it's going to be fine.
他会去试着跟他们交朋友一起玩 He's going to try to do some trust falls on the playground
如果他们愿意的话 当然 Really? You think that's gonna work?
只要他们抓住他 是的 As long as they catch him. Yeah.
嗨,Brad Hey,Brad.
是吗? Yeah?
如果我问你些事情,你保证不会再哭? If I ask you something,you promise you won't cry again?
当然,亲爱的 什么事情? Of course,sweetie. What is it?
在学校,他们告诉我们这个事情 Well,at school,they told us about this thing,
被称为“父女舞会” and it's called a Daddy-Daughter Dance.
所以,你愿意和我一起去吗? So,do you want to go with me?
你说你不会哭,Brad You said you wouldn't cry,Brad.
我不哭 Megan,是的 非常乐意 I'm not. Megan,yes. A million times yes.
我认为大人不应该哭 I thought big people weren't supposed to cry
我觉得很棒 他哭像个小婊子 I think it's sweet that he's crying like a little bitch
Megan!
你不应该用那个词称呼别人 You are not supposed to call people that word
你知道吗? 这是一个真正的男人在发泄情绪 You know what? It takes a real man to show his emotions
好了,这有点多了 All right,that's a bit much.
现在别再唱歌了,我说真的 No more rhymes now,I mean it!
有人想要一个花生吗? Anybody want a peanut?
我们终于成为一个家庭 We were finally becoming a family.
我去接！ I'll get it!
在被推开和对待像一个局外人后 After being pushed away and treated like an outsider,
我终于成为那个爸爸 我一直知道我可以… I was finally becoming the dad that I always knew I could...
爸爸! Daddy!
嗨！你在哪里? Hi! Where are you?
喀麦隆在哪儿? Where's Cameroon?
那是炮火声吗? 太酷了! Is that gunfire? Cool!
爸爸,爸爸!我想跟爸爸说话 Daddy,Daddy! I want to talk to Daddy.
嗨,爸爸 Hi,Daddy.
好 Good.
那是你前夫的电话,嗯? 是的 So your ex is calling,huh? Yeah.
对孩子们是怎样一件乐事 这是很长一段时间 What a treat for the kids. It's been a long time
是的 -是的 Yeah. Yeah
我们和妈妈以及Brad在看一部非常有趣的电影 We're watching a really funny movie with Mommy and Brad.
Brad是妈妈的新丈夫 Brad is Mommy's new husband.
等待 他不知道我吗? Wait. He doesn't know about me?
嗯,我已经有六个月没和他说过话 Well,I haven't talked to him in six months.
但我们结婚已经八个月了 We've been married eight months.
Brad,爸爸想和你谈谈 Brad,Daddy wants to talk to you.
不!不,不 别,别…我只是想说嗨 No! No,no. Don't,don't... I'm just going to say hi.
你不需要这样做 Brad,不要 You don't need to do that. Brad,don't.
谢谢你,亲爱的 Thank you,sweetie.
你好,Dusty? 很高兴与你结识 Hello,Dusty? Super to make your acquaintance.
事实上,我希望可以和你握手 In fact,I just wish I could shake your hand
跟你聊天喝杯凉的 and offer to buy you a cold one.
明天? 什么? Tomorrow? What?
爸爸要来了!耶! Daddy's coming! Yay!
是的,我想我可以去接你 Yeah,I guess I could pick you up.
不 No.
Whitaker It's Whitaker.
W-H-I-T-A-K-E-R.
不,我不会通过电话给你 No,I'm not comfortable giving you
我的社会安全号码 my Social Security number over the phone
好吧,是的,我的信用分数是752 Okay,yeah,my credit score is 752.
我对那很自豪 I'm very proud of that.
什么? 我精通什么样的战斗风格吗? I'm sorry? What sort of fighting styles am I proficient in?
我不知道是否以前被人这么问过 I don't know if I've ever been asked that before
喂,Dusty,喂,喂? Hello,Dusty,hello,hello?
断线了 I lost him.
刚才发生了什么? 你邀请他来这里吗? What just happened? Did you just invite him to come here?
他明天会来吗? Is he coming tomorrow?
好吧,我没想到他这么快就接受邀请 Well,I didn't know he'd accept my offer so soon
我的意思是,他真的立即就答应了 I mean,he really jumped at it.
还记得当我说他就像杰西·詹姆斯 Remember when I said he was like Jesse James
和米克·贾格尔生了一个孩子? and Mick Jagger had a baby?
是的,我只是以为他很瘦 Yeah,I just thought maybe he was really skinny and
紧张不安,有一点英国口音,什么的 jittery,and had like a little bit of a British accent,or something
他狂野和疯狂 这就是为什么我爱上了他 He's wild and he's crazy. That's why I fell in love with him
然后你带着两个孩子 Then you end up with two kids.
我拿着包卡那里 他却无处可寻 And I'm stuck there holding the bag and he's nowhere to be found
不管多少爱和激情, It doesn't matter how much love or passion,
或者没有彼此 你就不能呼吸 or you can't breathe without each other
相比之下 所有的东西是愚蠢的 All of that stuff is stupid in comparison.
当你有了孩子,你有责任 When you have kids,you have responsibilities
他不明白这些 He doesn't understand that.
亲爱的,这是一件好事 Honey,this is actually a good thing.
我会欢迎Dusty来我们家, I'll welcome Dusty into our home,
我们会建立一些友好但严格的界限 and we'll establish some kind but firm boundaries
好吧? 这就是按部就班的爸爸所谓的“建立一个充满爱的栅栏 ” All right? It's what Step-By-Step dad calls setting up a Loving Fence.
爱的栅栏? 亲爱的,哇,听起来很棒 A Loving Fence? Wow,that sounds really great,honey.
但是你的自助书从未见过Dusty Mayron But your self-help books have never met Dusty Mayron.
他听起来像一个流氓 He sounds like a rascal,
但我不认为有什么事情我不能应付的 but I don't think it's anything I can't handle.
Check. Check,check.
Chinese Checkers,Czech,Czech Republic,pop,
sibilance,sibilance,pop,one,two,six,seven,
check,check,check,check.
你有什么可给我 Brad？ What do you got for me,Brad?
Holt先生,你好 好吧,希望是The Panda的新声音 Mr. Holt,hello. Well,hopefully the new voice of The Panda
听着 Listen.
今天我要早走 我要去机场接我妻子的前夫 I gotta leave early today. I gotta go pick up my wife's ex at the airport
天啊孩子 你是怎么掉进这狗屎陷阱的 Jesus,kid,how'd you draw that shit detail?
Brad,你为什么会让这样的无赖到家里? Brad,why do you want this deadbeat in your home?
不是我想让他在我的家里 Well,it's not that I want him in my home,
只是那比较好的继父母书籍讲到 it's just that the better stepparenting books
你可以为孩子们做的最糟糕的事情 say that the worst thing you can do for the kids
是把他们的亲生父母推开 is to push out the biological.
你在危险区域了,Brad,让我告诉你为什么 You're in the danger zone here,Brad,and let me tell you why.
那些成长过程中没有父亲的孩子最终总是沉迷于他们 Kids that grow up without their dads always end up obsessing over them.
那些在我的成年生活里艳遇的绝大部分 Most of the hook-ups that I've had in my adult life
女性都有父亲情节 have been with women that had daddy issues.
我不知道是否这比喻是否恰当 I don't know if this is an appropriate story
听着 我的妻子会杀了我 如果她知道我告诉你这个 Look,my wife would kill me if she knew I was telling you this
那你就不应该告诉我这个 Well,then you shouldn't tell me this.
当我在丹佛见到她… When I met her in Denver...
你还是要继续说 是吧? You're going to tell the story,aren't you?
…她是一个半裸的舞女 ... she was a topless maid.
九十九美元一个小时 Ninety-nine bucks an hour.
从未见过她的父亲 但她遇到了谁? 是我 Never met her father. But who did she meet? Me.
你知道谁对她最好吗? 是我 And who did treat her like shit? Me.
最终我爱上了她 I eventually loved her,
但每次她越了线 but every time she got out of line,
我就把悍马停下 I'd just pull the Humvee over
并要她有礼貌地离开 and ask her to get out politely.
然后我就开走了 And then I'd drive away.
你猜怎么着? 她每次还都会回到家里 Guess what? She showed up at home every time.
这个故事和我的情况没有相关性 This story has no relevance to my situation.
它不 它只是一个好故事 It doesn't at all. It's just a good story.
Brad,我们要听听这家伙,不是吗? So,Pete,are we going to hear this guy,or what?
One-oh-three-point-six
The Panda!
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
坚持下去,Brad 我会和你一起努力 Keep it up,Brad. You and I will fight in the parking lot.
所以 今天便是 So today is the day
我终于要见到我孩子的父亲 I'm finally meeting the father of my children.
我紧张吗? 非常紧张 Am I nervous? You're darn right I am.
但是谁不会呢? But who wouldn't be?
事情是这样 我的意思是 Pepe 你知道的 孩子们 And here's the thing. I mean,Pepe,you know,kids...
…他们能看透东西,在一天结束的时候 ... they see through things and,at the end of the day,
他们知道是谁一直在… they know who's been around...
天哪！ Holy balls!
我希望这不是他 I hope that's not him.
这男的看起来比你还要帅很多 There is no doubt this man is your better in every way
嗯,你这么说很友好 谢谢你！ Well,you're kind to say that. Thank you.
是的,我感觉非常好 Yeah,I feel pretty good.
嘿,Dusty吗? 不是 Hey,you Dusty? Nope.
什么? What?
你确定吗? Are you sure?
你是Dusty… 不,你不是Dusty Are you Dusty... No,you're not Dusty.
这里是The Panda电台的Jason Sinclair You've got Jason Sinclair on The Panda,
在办公室的每个人都喜欢的电台 the station everybody in the office can agree on
这是什么? What is this?
如果这个周末你准备去"Wolf Trap"(弗吉尼亚一演出公园) Now if you're up in Wolf Trap this weekend,
帮自己一个忙 检查一下 do yourself a favor and check out...
嘿!你去哪儿了? Hey! Where have you been?
我打电话给有100多次了 I called you like 100 times.
我知道,我的电话坏了 听着 I know,my phone died. Look...
这个摩托车,这是… This motorcycle,is this...
是的 他在这里 Yes. He's here.
他在这是吗? 是的 He's here? Yes.
他在里面做什么? What's he doing inside there?
他在给孩子们讲他的故事 He's giving the kids all kinds of Starbursts
讲故事? 该死的 Starbursts? God damn it!
对不起 对不起 Sorry. Sorry
我现在有点气在头上了 I'm a hot habanero pepper right now.
我带几颗子弹来会会他好了 I got a few bullet points I want to bring up with our friend Dusty,
从机场礼仪、礼貌还有尊重开始 starting with airport etiquette,courtesy and expectation
故事很棒 爸爸! Good story,Daddy!
你们喜欢吗? 这都是事实 嘿! You like that story? It's all true. Hey!
谁还想听故事 Who wants some more Starbursts
跟限量版的银币? and a couple of uncirculated silver dollars?
那么 你是Dusty So you are Dusty.
我是啊 你一定是比我还好的新丈夫 I sure am. You must be the new and improved husband
过来拥抱下 大家伙 Bring it in,big guns.
我已经在机场见过你了 I already met you at the airport.
不,我不记得,朋友 No,I don't recall that,friend.
是的,我朝你走去 问你是不是Dusty Yeah,I walked right up to you and asked if you were Dusty.
我确定我会记得像你这样的大人物 I'm pretty sure I'd remember a heavy hitter like yourself
嗯,一定是我的错误 Well,must have been my mistake.
好吧,是我在机场 All right,that was me at the airport.
是的,我知道 事实是, Yeah,I know that. The truth is,
在你看到我之前 我看到你 I saw you before you saw me,
我在想“是这人在抚养我的孩子们吗?” and I'm thinking,This is the guy who's raising my kids?
“真该死 如果他看起来不像真的那么回事 ” And damn it if he doesn't look like the real deal.
我的意思是,看看你 I mean,look at you.
你明白了,不是吗? You figured it out,didn't you?
你破译了密码 You cracked the code.
我不知道那是什么 I don't know about that.
别跟我玩谦虚游戏 Don't play that humble game with me.
他是如此的谦逊 他太谦虚了 He is so humble. He's just too humble.
亲爱的 就算了吧 大家都会这样说 Honey,you got it goin' on. Everybody says so
是啊 我就放过你了. Yeah,I got it goin' way on.
所以你可以理解为什么我在机场惊慌失措 So you can understand why I panicked at the airport
我呆掉了,Brad 我很抱歉 没事的 I froze,Brad. I'm sorry. -It's fine
听着 这些是惹是生非 Look,these are tricky waters to navigate.
没错,伙计 我的意思是,这是深刻的 They sure are,man. I mean,that is insightful.
你知道,我认为这是奇怪 Sara之前没有告诉我关于你 You know,I thought it was weird Sara didn't tell me about you before
我想,她在躲什么? I thought,what's she hiding?
现在我知道了 And now I know.
一个冠军 A champion.
嗨,Brad! 你看到爸爸的摩托车了吗? Hey,Brad! Did you see Dad's motorcycle?
是不是很酷? Isn't it cool?
当然是 It sure is.
那是什么,一台Indian摩托? What is that,an Indian?
是的 Yep.
我相信是在明尼阿波利斯生产 I believe they're manufactured in Minneapolis.
我从来没有去过，但那是 I've never been,but that's
The Mary Tyler Moore Show的场景 the setting for The Mary Tyler Moore Show.
还有…有什么其他的…Rhoda And... What's the other... Rhoda.
我想说是副产品 Which I want to say was a spin-off.
该死的!你真的知道你的机车,Brad 你会骑吗? Damn! You really know your bikes,Brad. You ride?
是啊! Yeah!
真的吗? 是的 Really? Yeah.
我的意思是,现在不是了 你知道,我 I mean,not anymore. I did,you know,
早在上大学 我有一个… back in college. I had a...
我有一个部川崎9系机车 I had a Kawa-saki? Kawasaki Nine.
是的 Yeah.
有挡泥板和...炙烤接头 所以… With the fenders and the... The broil joint. So...
那你应该试试看 兄弟 快来 Well,you should get on her,man. Come on!
去骑看看 这车的性能有多好 Take her out,see what she can do.
他马力超强的 She's got a lot of power.
不,不,不 No,no,no.
是的,Brad!Brad… 拜托! Yeah,Brad! Brad... Please!
不 嘿,来吧,孩子 这是睡觉的时候了 No. Hey,come on,kids. It's time for bed
过去睡你的觉 让我们刷牙 It's way past your bedtime. Let's brush your teeth
好吧,来吧,伙计们,听你妈妈 嘿,你看…… All right,come on,guys,listen to your mom. Hey,look...
我不想越权,但是 I don't want to overstep,but
这对我将意味着整个世界 如果我能给两个孩子掖被子和一点祝福 it would mean the world to me if I could tuck in our two little blessings
是的 当然,是的,当然 他们是你的孩子 去吧 Yeah. Yeah,sure,of course. They're your kids. Tuck away
谢谢你,Brad Thank you for that,Brad.
国王搞砸了 他完全搞砸了 The King messed up. He messed up bad
他以为他可以杀死那只飞龙 He thought he could just ride off to slay dragons,
而他的王后会一直等着他 and his Queen would always be waiting for him
然后有一天国王得到消息 And then one day the King received word
他的领土被 that his dominion was being ruled over
by some curly-headed 假国王 with good credit? 一些卷发的信誉良好的假国王统治
不! No!
国王拼命地骑回到他的领地 Well,the King rode hard up on his lands,
当他到达时, and when he arrived,
他目光深情地看着女王,记起他们在一起的好时光 he did gaze fondly upon the Queen,remembering their good times together,
他在她风华正茂时就认识她 而她任何事情都不记得了 for he had known her in her prime,when she was down for anything,
我指的是任何事情 and I do mean anything.
听起来是个你爸讲了一个好故事 不介意我听一下? Sounds like your dad's spinning quite a yarn. Mind if I listen in?
事实上 已经太晚了 你们两该睡觉了 Actually,it's getting late. You two need to get some sack time.
不,我们想听更多的故事 求你了! No,we want more story,please!
嘿,我喜欢整夜待在这里,但我们要尊重Brad的规矩 Hey,I'd love to be in here all night,but let's be respectful of Brad's rules,
不管这些规矩有多武断 好吗? no matter how arbitrary they seem. All right?
晚安,我的小黄金宝藏 Good night,my little golden treasures.
晚安,我的小神奇小天使 Good night,my little magical cherubs.
来些些蝴蝶之吻 Here comes some butterfly kisses.
和爱斯基摩人亲吻 And some Eskimo kisses.
晚安,哥们 睡个好觉 睡个好觉 Good night,buddy. Sleep tight. Sleep tight.
嘿,谁想要晚安挠痒? Hey,who wants good-night tickles?
我! Me!
晚安,我的小上帝气息 Good night,my little breath of God.
晚安,我的小耶稣泪珠 Good night,my little Jesus teardrop.
我差点忘了,我的著名晚安后背挠痒 I almost forgot,my famous good-night back scratches
所以放松 放松 So relaxing,so relaxing.
晚安,亲爱的小熊 Good night,sweetie bear.
嘿,谁想要二十块钱? Hey,who wants twenty bucks?
我要! 我要! 20美元? I do! Me! Twenty dollars?
什么? 是的 What? Yeah.
这个给你,这个给你 One for you,and one for you.
我觉得这样做不是很好 I don't know if that's appropriate.
别担心 Don't worry about it.
好吧 晚安,各位 Okay. Good night.
那么 如果你愿意 你为什么不明天放学后过来呢? So,if you want to,why don't you come by tomorrow after school?
可能是一个好时机… Might be a good time to...
啊不是要来一杯凉的? What about the cold one?
凉的? The cold one?
你答应我要来杯凉的还要握个手 You promised me a cold one and a handshake
凉的 一杯凉的 马上来 Cold one. One cold one,coming up.
太好了 我拿我外套 我们去外面喝 Great. I'll grab my jacket,we'll go outside
完美 好吧 Perfect. All right.
嘿! Hey!
你在做什么? 那么现在你们是朋友了吗? What are you doing? What are you guys buddies now?
不是啦 我的意思是 我答应要陪他喝一杯的 No. I mean,I offered him a cold one.
我必须先履行我的承诺 I really should honor the cold one promise
好啦 你去陪他喝一杯 然后请他回去 好吗? Fine. You give him a cold one,and then you get rid of him,okay?
把你的“爱的栅栏”穿上,记得吗? You put up your Loving Fence,remember?
然后回来睡觉 好的 Then you come to bed. Okay
你在那里建什么东西? Will do. Okay
那里准备干什么呢? What you got going on over here?
就一个树屋 只盖了一些些 That's a treehouse. A little,
Dylan和我的合作项目 bonding project for Dylan and I.
是的,我们已经做了大约两个月 Yeah,we've been at it for about two months
看起来不错 It's looking good.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
那么,Dusty,你计划要在城里呆多久? So,Dusty,how long do you think you're going to be in town for?
Brad 事实是,明天开始我一周后离开 Well,Brad,the truth is,I'm wheels-up a week from tomorrow
准时离开并替美国去揍一些坏家伙 Time to get out there and kick some ass for America
我明白了 所以你是一个士兵吗? I see. So you're a soldier?
不 Nope.
那你是… So you're a...
是的 Yep.
是的,什么? Yep,what?
你不会想知道这个,Brad You don't want to know any more than that,Brad.
好吧 Okay.
听着,Dusty,我想我们应该做一个拜访计划时间表 Listen,Dusty,I think that we should set up a visitation schedule.
对吧? 那样你会感觉你有充裕的时间和孩子们… Right? That way,you feel like you have ample time with the children...
我们为什么要说这些狗屎,Brad? Why don't we cut the shit,Brad?
不,我们必须要说这些 No,we don't have to cut the shit.
如果你想知道我在这做什么,那为什么你一直在看 You want to know what I'm doing here,why don't you quit looking at
你手里写的乱七八糟东西呢? whatever you wrote on your hand?
像个男人 然后问我,Brad Be a man and ask me,Brad.
好吧 你在这里干什么? Okay. What are you doing here?
我们都知道孩子需要一个主要的男性角色榜样 We both know kids need a single primary male role model
Sara做出了她的选择 Sara's made her choice.
我足以让你成为那个角色榜样 I'm man enough to let that role model be you
我将用我的孩子向你保证 I will vouch for you with my children.
我将给他们我的神圣信任去信任你 I will give them my sacred permission to trust you
去爱你 To love you and to
去叫你爸爸 call you Dad.
你会为我这样做吗? You'd do that for me?
不 No.
但我会为他们这么做 But I will do it for them.
这是你想要的,不是吗,Brad? That is what you want,isn't it,Brad?
超过世界上任何东西 More than anything in the world.
他在玩弄你 你就在那里被他玩弄 He played you. You just got so played out there
我知道这看起来像 I know it looks that way,
因为我答应我要请他离开 cause I promised I would ask him to leave,
然后我邀请他呆一个星期,但他没有玩弄我 and then I invited him to stay for a week,but he didn't play me
你知道他做了什么吗? 他打断了那些狗屎废话 You know what he did? He cut the shit.
他有吗? 我必须说 He did? And I gotta say,
真鲜啊 it was refreshing.
我觉得我们可以真正聊一些有意义的事 你知道的 I think more of us could stand to just cut the shit,you know
对的 一次谈话 Right. In one conversation,
他就说到了我的继父书八个章节 he just blew by eight chapters in my stepdad book.
我的意思是,这对我和孩子们都很有好处 I mean,this is gonna be so good for me and the kids.
宝贝,你完全不知道你在对付谁 Baby,you have no idea who you're dancing with.
Dusty要控制你 这就是他想做的 Dusty gets into your head,that's what he does.
他给我的印象很深刻 很能虚张声势 He has a very impressive,rugged bravado,
是毫无疑问的 但是我必须说 there's no question. But I gotta say,
我觉的这里 是有一颗温柔的心 I think in here,there's a soft,soft creamy center
你知道吗? 我觉得他也是感触很深 You know? I think he feels a lot.
他只是... 他只是需要有人愿意听他 He just... He needs someone with this,a big ear
而我愿意 And I got them.
早上好,Dusty Good morning,Dusty.
嗨 你起来了 还在忙着早餐 Hey. You're up and at 'em.
是的,我起得很早 Yeah,I got up early
然后很快地做了20 真的吗? and did a quick 20. Really?
做了20分钟的什么？ 20英里 Twenty minutes of what? Twenty miles.
小运动量陪练,然后我为我家人 Did a little light sparring,then I whipped up
掀起一锅很烫的肉桂卷 a pan of piping-hot cinnamon rolls for my family
我也为你做了一个 I made one for you,too.
哇 很厉害,谢谢 Wow. That's very impressive,thank you.
早上好,伙计们！闻起来好香! Good morning,gang! It smells yummy!
我们“真爸爸”是一个超级了不起的好厨师! Our real dad's a super,super-duper good cook!
给你们,伙计们 Here you go,guys
嗯 看起来真的很像肉桂卷 Yeah,it looks an awful lot like Cinnabon.
嗯,谢谢你,Brad 说得真不错 Well,thank you,Brad. What a nice thing to say
味道完全像肉桂卷! It tastes exactly like Cinnabon!
事实上,同样的形状,同样的漩涡,结霜 In fact,same shape,same swirl,same frosting.
好,现在你开始让我难堪了 Well,now you're starting to embarrass me,
但我确实感谢你的恭维 but I do appreciate the compliment.
早上好,Sar熊! Good morning,Sar-bear!
早 嘿,听着,伙计们, Morning. Hey,listen,guys,
Brad和我昨晚聊了关于家庭的重要性 Brad and I had a talk last night about the importance of family
现在,每个人都在这里,我想说几句话,好吗? And now that everyone's here,I wanted to say a few words,okay?
我想那会很棒 I think that would be great.
嘿,孩子,家庭可以不断成长和改变事情 Hey,kids,families can be ever-growing and changing things
有时某个新人会敲你心的门 And sometimes someone new knocks on the door of your heart
而你并不确定在是否心里还可以容得下再多一个人 and you're not sure if you have room in there for one more
但现在那个人就在这里 我希望你们能学会爱 But there's someone here now I hope you guys can learn to love.
好吗? Okay?
过来,男孩! Come here,boy!
一只狗狗! A doggy!
你带了一只狗回来? You brought a dog home?
是的 有问题吗? Yeah. Is that a problem?
你似乎很着迷它当我在介绍它出场时 You seemed really into it while I was teeing it up
不,我以为你在谈论我 No,I thought you were talking about me.
但你不是一只狗,Brad 不… But you're not a dog,Brad. No...
听着 昨晚当我们谈论… Look,last night,when we talked...
喔 对 听着 有机会我一定会讲的 Yeah. Well,listen,that's got to happen organically
为什么现在就不能发生呢? Why can't it happen now?
就是没办法 It just can't.
你看起有点脏 You're dirty.
Dusty,那东西多大了? Dusty,how old is that thing?
我猜是15岁了 I'd guess him to be around 15.
我今早在排水口附近发现他 I found him this morning,living in a storm drain
我给他取名Tumor 因为他跟你真的有得比 I named him Tumor,because of how much he grows on you.
妈妈,让我们养着Tumor 求求你? Mommy,can we keep Tumor,please?
我把这个决定权交给Brad I'm gonna leave this one up to Brad.
求你了,Brad 求你! Please,Brad! Please!
他为什么那样看着我? Why is he looking at me like that?
他只是在看着我 He's only looking at me.
也许我们可以养只小狗来代替? Maybe we just get a puppy instead?
一只小狗,Brad? 他们从小狗那里能学到什么呢? A puppy,Brad? What are they going to learn from a puppy?
像Tumor这样的老狗一直在外面晃悠 生活得自由自在 An old dog like Tumor here's been out in the world,man. Living free.
在困境中生活是我们做梦都想不到的 Fighting for survival and seeing things we can only dream of.
只要看看他那富有智慧又混浊的眼神 Just look at the wisdom in those cloudy eyes.
另外 你知道一只老狗在收容所 Besides,you know what happens to old dogs at shelters.
它可能没多久就被安乐死了 He's gonna have to walk the green mile as soon as he gets there.
不,Brad,不!不要杀我们的狗! No,Brad,no! Don't kill our dog!
我讨厌你! I hate you!
好吧 好吧 很好 Okay. Okay. Fine.
他可以多活剩下的几周和我们一起 He can live out his few remaining weeks with us.
耶!谢谢你,Brad Yay! Thanks,Brad.
我不再恨你了 I don't hate you anymore.
他要便便了! He's going potty!
哦,我的上帝 Oh,my God.
我们会清理 我们不介意 We'll clean it up. We don't mind.
看看这个 Look at that.
这只狗已经在教他们承担责任了 The dog's already teaching them responsibility.
嘿,伙计们,当你去捡狗屎的时候要使用手套 Hey,guys,when you got to pick up the potty,use gloves.
他的便便里肯定有蠕虫 He's definitely got worms in his poo.
Dusty!你能把这个东西移开吗? Dusty! Can you please move this thing?
我不能把车从车库开出来 I can't get my car out of the garage.
嘿,Brad,你介意吗? 我想赶紧冲个凉 Hey,Brad,do you mind? I want to grab a quick shower.
是的,当然,没问题 Yeah,sure,no problem.
嘿,亲爱的 嗨,亲爱的 Hey,honey. Hi,sweetie.
它挡住了一切 It's blocking everything.
不,我知道 我知道,别担心 们会处理的了 No,I know. I know,don't worry. We're on top of it.
你在做什么? Brad,我不… What are you doing? Brad,I don't...
嘿! 不要靠近那东西 Hey! Stay away from that,please.
亲爱的,你在做什么? Honey,what are you doing?
我不知道那是否是个好主意,Brad I don't know if that's a good idea,Brad.
Dusty!
它一直振到我的肩膀 It's vibrating up into my shoulders.
嘿,没关系,Brad 听着,她的自行车,很多男人 Hey,it's okay,Brad. Look,she's a lot of bike,man.
不,我很好 你为什么不回进去冲凉 No,I'm good. Why don't you go back in and take that shower,
拿件衬衫穿上? so you can get a shirt on?
你搞得定 嘿,你骑在上面很帅,哥们 You got it. Hey,you look good on that,man.
记住,一档倒车,四档往前 Remember,one down,four up.
Dusty,每个人都知道一档倒... Dusty,everyone knows it's one down...
小心! 小心! 小心! Watch out! Watch out! Watch out!
Brad会死吗? Did Brad just die?
我想我们都要准备好应对这种可能性,南瓜 好吧? I think we all need to prepare ourselves for that possibility,pumpkin. Okay?
Brad!
哦,我的上帝 Oh,my God.
Brad,你还好吗? Brad,are you all right?
不,我不是好 我在墙里了 我很害怕 No,I'm not all right. I'm in the wall. I'm scared.
亲爱的 Honey.
我上帝 Brad 我想你说过会骑的 Jeez,Brad,I thought you said you could ride.
我会骑,好吗 你能穿件衬衫吗? I can ride,okay. Would you get a shirt on?
我认为如果你能骑 I think if you could ride,
你现在就不会被困在墙上,Brad you wouldn't be stuck in a wall right now,Brad.
是的 我很抱歉那样说,但他是对的 Yeah. I'm sorry to say it,but he's right.
你差点杀了孩子们! You almost killed the kids!
我们不要在这殴打Brad了 好吧? Let's not beat up on Brad here. Okay?
他有点向给孩子们炫耀卖弄 He was showboating for the kids a little bit,
然后事情失控 and things got out of hand.
还好没有人受伤 让我们心存感激 好吧? Let's all just be grateful nobody got hurt. Okay?
我受伤了! I got hurt!
好吧,孩子们,听好了 这是一个很好的教训 Okay,kids,listen up. This is a good lesson
就是为什么你永远不要说谎 说能事情但 on why you never wanna lie about your ability to do things
你显然不能做到,好吗? you clearly can't do,okay?
我想我的手臂贴在墙里了 I think my arm is stuck in the wall.
Brad,呆着别动 我会把你弄出来 Brad,just stay still. I'll get you out.
不,不,不,不,不 不,不要做任何事情 No,no,no,no,no. No,don't do anything.
只请你去拿件衬衫穿上? And would you please just go and get a shirt on?
冷静下来,好吗? Just calm down,all right?
嘿,我真的很抱歉你的车弄坏了 Hey,I'm really sorry about what happened to your car.
是的,我也很抱歉你的摩托车弄坏了 Yeah,and I'm sorry about what happened to your bike.
没有伤害 没有划痕 No damage. Not a scratch.
一个划痕也没有? 难以置信 Not even one scratch? Unbelievable.
那太好了 That's so good.
继续开！ 在锥子里边！ Let's keep it going! Inside the cones!
就像冰淇淋! Just like ice cream!
早上好,杰里 Morning,Jerry.
保持在三角锥内走! Got to keep it inside the cones!
不 爸比 你要开在三角锥内啦! No,Daddy! You're supposed to stay in the cones!
哇!哇! 保持在三角锥内! Whoa,whoa! Inside the cones!
开在里面 好多了 Inside. Bring her in. That's better.
让我们今天保证这些孩子安全,好吗? 谢谢你,Brad Let's keep those kids safe today,okay? Thank you,Brad.
对不起,多丽丝 Sorry,Doris.
没关系的 所有下车线之类的事情 It's okay. This whole drop-off line thing
如果你不习惯会有一点头大 can be a bit overwhelming if you're not used to it.
我曾经把直升机降落在古巴监狱暴动 I landed a chopper in the middle of a Cuban prison riot,
Brad,我觉得我还好 Brad,I think I'm good.
再见,伙计们! 我爱你们 祝一天愉快,好吗? Bye,guys! I love you guys so much. Have a great day,okay?
再见,爸爸! 确保你们做的所有工作 Bye,Daddy! Make sure you do all your work.
再见,伙计们 有最好的一天 我非常爱你们 Bye,guys. Have the best day. I love you so...
这是令人兴奋的事情 Here's the exciting thing.
我们刚开发了第68个市场,让“The Panda”成为美国 We just opened up in our 68th market,making The Panda America's
第三名时尚爵士电台 number three smooth jazz station.
Wow.
到了 我的小角落 And here it is. My little nook.
哇 哥们,我得承认,这超过了我的预期 Wow. Man,I gotta admit,this is more than I expected.
Wow.
我有点羡慕你,Brad I kind of envy you,Brad.
别这样 Stop it.
是真的 你是一个好人,过着舒适的日子 It's true. You're a nice guy,making a comfortable living,
世界上最了不起的女人爱着你 and the most fantastic woman in the world loves you dearly.
真的吗? 谢谢你这么说 Really? Thanks for saying that.
真的 那些她为你做出的牺牲...那是真爱 I mean it. And that sacrifice she's making for you... That's true love.
牺牲? Sacrifice?
嗯,当然,Brad Well,sure,Brad.
你知道那女孩有多想再要一个孩子 You know how bad that girl wants another baby.
她想再要一个孩子吗? She wants another baby?
对她来说放弃了那个想法 For her to let that slip away
嫁给一个她知道不会生育的男人,这是真爱 and marry a man she knew to be barren,that's true love.
你怎么知道我不能… How do you know that I can't...
Bradley 是的 Bradley. Yes.
卡洛琳说我们要听到某个新的金嗓子 在上午这个时间吗? Caroline says we're gonna hear some new voice talent this a.m.?
是的,先生,大约在15分钟左右 Yes,sir,in about 15 minutes.
好吧 那个屎蛋前夫相处得如何? Okay. How'd it go with the shitbag ex-husband?
你用你的“爱的篱笆”打他屁股了吗? You whip his ass with that Loving Fence of yours?
实际上很有趣,霍尔特先生 Well,actually it's interesting,Mr. Holt,
因为我想要你见见Dusty Mayron because I want you to meet Dusty Mayron.
这是怎么回事 她就是先和他结婚的? Jesus in the morning. She was married to him first?
好的 让我们先讲清楚一些规则 俏男孩 Okay. Let's establish some ground rules,pretty boy.
空降军团? Airborne?
你领子上是101军团的徽章 那是一个精锐部队 长官 Your lapel pin. 101st,that's one hell of a division,sir.
嗯,谢谢你,Dusty Well,thank you,Dusty.
你也是空降军团吗? Are you Airborne?
不长官 我恐怕没办法分享这份荣誉 No,sir,I'm afraid I don't share that honor,
但我很敬仰那些曾参加过的人 but I'm humbled to be in the presence of anyone who does.
空降师吗? 那些喜欢飞的家伙们 Airborne Division? Those guys love to fly.
很高兴见到你,先生 Very nice to meet you,sir.
谢谢你,谢谢你 很高兴见到你 Thank you,thank you. It's good to meet you.
我的荣幸 这是一个荣誉 My pleasure. It's an honor.
快速交友在那里 Fast friends over there.
这很美妙 That's wonderful.
来吧! 没门! Come on! No way!
整个时间你在为自由战士们贩卖武器 The whole time you're running guns for the freedom fighters
就在卡特尔贩毒集团的鼻子底下 right under the cartel's noses,
而他们从来一次都没有怀疑过是你? and they never suspected it was you once?
好吧 我相信他们开始怀疑 当他们在一个火球里 Well,I'm sure they started to suspect once they were in a ball of fire
有四个城市街区的大小 the size of four city blocks.
太好了 我喜欢那样! That's great. I love that!
我的老天,Brad! Holy buckets,Brad!
如果这家伙是我妻子的前任 我会自杀的 If this guy was my wife's ex,I'd put a bullet in my skull.
得了,狮子座,省省吧 Come on,Leo,cut it out.
先生,我认为巴里准备好了 Sir,I think Barry's ready.
你真的会喜欢这个家伙 You're really going to like this guy.
好吧 准备听 Okay. Ready to listen.
One-oh-three-point-six
The Panda!
好吧 All right.
你喜欢他,Brad? 我喜欢 You like him,Brad? I do.
我喜欢 我认为他的声音有温暖的可靠性 I do. I think his voice has a warm dependability
所有Panda的听众可以信任 that all Panda listeners could trust.
你怎么认呢 Duster? What do you think,Duster?
Dusty现在为The Panda工作了? Does Dusty now work for The Panda?
是的,Brad是对的 Yeah,Brad's right.
我对流行爵士不内行 我不应该发表评论 I'm not really into smooth jazz. I shouldn't comment.
没人对流行爵士内行 Nobody's into smooth jazz.
我对流行爵士内行 I'm into smooth jazz.
当然,你懂行的 Brad Of course you are,Brad.
所以你认为如何,Dusty? So what do you think,Dusty?
我想声音似乎有点弛缓 I mean,it just seems a little flaccid.
我认为你需要一个声音有 I think you need a voice with
一些活力和希望,可以告诉听众 some virility and hope,that tells listeners,
“嘿!也许下一首歌不会像最后一首那样糟糕” Hey! Maybe the next song won't suck as bad as the last one.
另外,我想一个强大的能力成为重要事情就像… Also,I think a strong ability to be something like...
One-oh-three-point-six
The Panda!
什么… What...
刚才发生了什么? What just happened?
他在唱标语 He sang the tagline.
好孩子,Tumor! Good boy,Tumor!
Daddy!
Hey!
完美的时间 听这个 Perfect timing. Listen to this.
那是你吗? 是的! Is that you? Yeah!
那是你? That's you?
为什么是他? Why is that him?
我带他去工作,15分钟后 他就是The Panda的新声音 I took him to work,and 15 minutes later he's the new voice of The Panda.
嘿,你相信吗? 我在今天早上九点半录了一把 Hey,you believe that? I record one take at 9:30 this morning,
而之前已经试了11次 it's already run 11 times.
每次他们播放那个 我真的得到182美元吗？ Do I really get 182 bucks every time they play that?
是的 每次,是的 Yes. Every time,yes.
那么多钱 Money.
你知道为什么我甚至比大多数人爱美国吗？ You see why I love America even more than most people do?
嘿 这是什么? Hey. What's this?
是我雇了Angie's List的一个杂工 Just the handyman I hired off Angie's List.
他在楼上修复损坏 He's upstairs fixing the damage.
你的妻子必须雇人吗? 为了什么? Your wife had to hire a man? For what?
一些框架、一点石膏板修复 Some framing,a little sheetrock repair,
一些砖石和基本的窗口装玻璃？ some masonry and basic window glazing?
得了,Brad 我们今晚可以赶工出来 Come on,Brad. We can bang that out tonight.
Yeah.
这只是基本的石膏板装玻璃 It's just basic sheetrock glazing
而你知道,小玩意儿 and,you know,little whatamajigs.
上去那里 Get up there and
进入那里 然后就搞定 get in there and crank it out.
Dusty是双手很灵巧的 Dusty is pretty good with his hands.
我的手很灵巧,Brad,她知道的 Pretty good with my hands,Brad,she knows.
好吧 是的,我会上去那里,我会… Okay. Yeah,I'll just go up there and I'll...
要我做吗? 我会让他去死 不,不,不,不 Want me to do it? I'll tell him to screw. No,no,no,no.
不,不,不 没关系 No,no,no. That's okay.
我会告诉他, I'll tell him,
“你猜怎么着 小弟?” 告诉他有男人们在这 Guess what,bub? Tell him the men are here.
我会说 我会说,“真男人在这” I'll say that. I'll say,The men are here.
让我们做这 我不想暗示他 Let's do it. I don't want to imply to him
他不是个男人 但我只会说, that he's not a man. But I'll just say,
“嘿,我兄弟回来城里了” 对吧? Hey,the boys are back in town. Right?
Hi.
我是Brad 我的妻子雇你 I'm Brad. My wife hired you.
很高兴认识你,Brad Nice to meet you,Brad.
我只是上来在这里说你… I just came up here to say that you...
你应该有好运气 That you should have good luck.
谢谢你的祝福 Thank you for your wishes of luck.
我会在楼下 I'll be downstairs.
好吧? 发生了什么事? Well? What happened?
你知道,我认为这是… You know,I think it's...
他已经开始干活了,我想是感觉错了 He already started,and I just think it feels wrong.
为什么? 因为他是个黑人? Why? Because he's black?
不 不,不 No. No,no.
Megan! Dylan!
你在做什么? 教学的时间 What are you doing? Teaching moment.
伙计们,我们会怎么称呼Brad 如果他不同地对待别人 Guys,what would we call Brad if he treated someone differently
只是因为他们的肤色? just because of the color of their skin?
Brad是种族主义? Brad's being racism?
是种族主义者,亲爱的 Brad是一个种族主义者 Racist,honey. Brad is a racist.
亲爱的 但不是故意的 Honey. But not on purpose.
Brad是三k党的人吗? Is Brad a Klan person?
不 No.
所以我是一个种族主义者 如果我不解雇某个人? So I'm a racist if I don't fire someone?
嗯,是的,你是 Well,yeah,you are.
是的,你是 Yeah,you are.
先生,你完全把这想错了 Sir,you're taking this all wrong.
好的 所以你看了一下我皮肤的颜色 Right. So you get one look at the color of my skin,
突然间你变成DIY（自己动手）先生吗? and all of a sudden you're Mr. Do It Yourself?
不,不是 请 No,not at all. Please,
允许我支付给你 为你的时间和出差 allow me to pay you for your time and travel.
别可怜我,波拉迪恩 Don't do me any favors,Paula Deen.
我不是一个女人 I'm not a woman.
你做了正确的事 You did the right thing.
哥们,感觉不是那么回事 Boy,it doesn't feel that way.
让我们开始 你的工具在哪? Let's get cracking. Where do you keep your tools?
我知道Brad把工具放哪里了 在书柜 I know where Brad keeps his tools. In the credenza.
是的 你把工具放在 Yeah. You keep your tools
书柜,Brad? 是在书柜 in the credenza,Brad? in the credenza.
就更容易拿到 Just easier to get to.
是很方便 是的 It's convenient. Yeah.
这是工具盒,Brad 我们要去钓鱼吗? This is a tackle box,Brad. Are we going fishing?
不 除非你想去钓鱼 No. Unless you want to go fishing.
看看这里你有些什么? What have you got in here?
锤子,胶带,三个C号电池和 A hammer,masking tape,three C batteries and
一个卫生棉条 a tampon.
卫生棉条方便做… Well,a tampon's handy for...
是的,我知道他们方便做什么 Yeah,I know what they're handy for.
所以我们不修理了吗? So are we not going to fix it?
好吧,你还想要我干什么,Brad? Well,what do you want from me,Brad?
买齐我们需要的所有设备 花费更多 To buy all the gear we need would cost more
比只是雇佣Angie's List的某个伙计 than just hiring someone off of Angie's List.
国王,他想 And the King,he thought
the 假国王 seemed okay at first,a little soft,maybe, 假国王开始似乎还不错,有点温和,也许
但是,见鬼,女王需要一个饭票 but,heck,the Queen needed a meal ticket.
但越多的国王了解他 But the more the King learned about him,
the more he doubted the 假国王's ability to lead. 他越怀疑 假国王的领导能力
于是国王决定只有一个办法… So the King decided there was only one way to...
嘿 好故事? Hey. Good story?
是的 国王终于回到了他的城堡 Yeah. The King finally came back to his castle.
But the evil 假国王 wouldn't give him his crown back. 但邪恶的 假国王不给回他皇冠
好吧,是的 我想我以前听说过这个故事 Okay,yeah. I think I've heard this story before.
这是一个和时间一样古老的故事,Brad It's a story as old as time,Brad.
You know what? It turns out the 假国王 wasn't evil at all. 你知道吗?事实证明 假国王并不是邪恶的
他是一个很好的人 He was a really good guy.
在派对上他很有趣,也是个健谈的人 Fun at parties,great conversationalist,
和蔼可亲 他看到 affable. And he saw
美丽的女王和完美的王子公主 that the beautiful Queen and perfect Prince and Princess
都很孤独,他英勇地前往去救他们 were all alone,and he came valiantly to their rescue.
是的,但女王很难过因为 Yeah,but wasn't the Queen sad because
the 假国王 couldn't give her an heir to the throne? 这 假国王不能给她一个王位继承人?
好的,你知道吗? 现在这是人身攻击 Okay,you know what? Now this is getting personal.
嘿,Brad,得了 我们在这只是讲童话故事 Hey,Brad,come on. We're just doing fairy tales here.
好吧 女王不是伤心, All right. Well,the Queen wasn't sad,
我插一句 just for the record.
The 假国王 was pretty sure she was totally cool with it. 假国王很确定女王完全无所谓
是的,Brad是对的 我相信 女王很激动 对吧? Yeah,Brad's right. I'm sure the Queen was thrilled. Right?
对吧? Right?
是的 Yeah.
亲爱的, Honey,
有什么事吗? what's the matter?
你还为Dusty找到你的卫生棉条难过吗? Are you still sad about Dusty finding your tampon?
不 不 No. No,I mean,
这是有点尴尬 this is a little embarrassing,
但只是 我… but it's just,I was...
有没有可能你还想再要另一个孩子? is there any chance you still want another baby?
哦,我的上帝 Dusty说了一些什么? Oh,my God. What,did Dusty say something?
他只想要控制你 He's just trying to get in your head.
那么这不是真的? So it's not true then?
好吧 也许我想再要一个孩子 Okay. Maybe I did want another baby.
但这是不可能的,鉴于你已经发生的… But it's not possible,given what happened to your...
我不责怪他们 我爱他们 And I'm not blaming them. I love them.
他们是我糊涂的小朋友 They are my fuzzy little pals.
你不需要说 You don't have to say that.
他们是 They are.
我100%高兴和我拥有家庭在一起 I am 100% happy with the family that I have.
我忍受他的唯一原因 The only reason I'm putting up with him
是因为我的孩子很高兴看到他 is because my kids are so happy to see him.
我希望他们与他们的父亲保持关系 And I want them to have a relationship with their father.
你知道吗? You know what?
我迫不及待地想看到他的脸 I can't wait to see his face
当他发现你为他的孩子们真正付出了多少 when he figures out how much you really do for his kids.
是的 我是 Yeah. I mean,I'm
已经深陷其中 我表达自己的情感 involved. I'm emotionally available.
是的,你是 Yeah,you are.
你一点都没错 You are darn right.
是时候让Dusty看看真正的爸爸是如何做的 It's high time Dusty sees how a real dad does it.
我充满了热情 I am fired up!
让我们睡吧 Let's get some shut-eye.
哈利路亚! Hallelujah!
嘿,哥们! 嘿,T.J. ! Hey,dudes! Hey,T.J.!
Brad! 来看看爸爸做了什么! Brad! Look what Dad did!
他完成了树屋为您服务! He finished the treehouse for you!
嘿,嘿! B哥们 ! Hey,hey! B-man!
不,小心,B ! No,watch out,B!
嗨,Brad 很抱歉,你没事吧? Hey,Brad. Sorry about that. You all right?
你认为如何,哥们? What do you think,man?
哇 很酷的高空飞索 Wow. Pretty cool zipline.
你喜欢吗? 这是军事级别的 You like that? It's military grade.
都是你今天建造的? 用我那些工具? You built all this today? With my tools?
不,你不可能用卫生棉条建造树屋,Brad No,you can't build a treehouse with a tampon,Brad.
不,我得到了一点点的帮助 No,I had a little bit of help.
哟,Dylan,PS4全都连接好了 Yo,Dylan,PS4 is all hooked up.
谢谢,Griff叔叔 没问题,哥们 Thanks,Uncle Griff. No problem,buddy.
Griff叔叔？ Uncle Griff?
老兄,我昨晚出去喝酒 Dude,I went out for a beer last night,
酒保恰好是我们的伙计Griffy and who's tending bar but our man Griffy?
我们交谈了 一见如故 你知道我的意思吗? We get to talking and we just click. You know what I mean?
他是个很好的家伙 他确实是 He's a great dude,man. He really is.
我知道你对他的感受,当只是给他一个机会 I know how you feel about him,but just give him a chance.
好吗? 他在家里过得有些艰难 All right? He's having a tough time at home,
你解雇他肯定没有帮助 and your firing him sure didn't help.
我解雇了他是因为你让我做的! I fired him because you made me!
我让你吗? 是的 I made you? Yeah.
现在是我负责在这里吗? 在抵押贷款是写我的名字吗? Am I in charge around here now? ls my name on the mortgage?
上次我检查时,你是房子的主人 Last time I checked,you were the man of the house,
我和Griffy只是住在这里 and me and Griffy were just staying here.
他不能住在这里 因为他是个黑人吗? He's not staying here. Because he's black?
不,不是那个原因的 No,not because of that.
听着,Griffy帮助我费劲地做了这些,对吧? Look,Griffy helped me knock this out,all right?
所以不管任何偏见 你可能有也可能没有… So despite any prejudices that you may or may not have...
我没有任何偏见 I don't have any prejudices.
我说“不一定 ” I said may or may not.
好吧,你没有 好吧,这很好 Well,it's may not. Well,that's good.
因为那个是我说的 Because that's one of the ones I said.
嘿,孩子们,加油 U形滑道的头盔 Hey,kids,come on. Helmets on the half-pipe.
我们在这里要注意安全 We got to be safe around here.
U形滑道？ Half-pipe?
我知道这占院子很多 但它会使 I know it's taking up a lot of the yard,but it's gonna make
你的房子成为附近最酷的地方 your house the coolest place in the neighborhood.
我买了个音响系统,我们邀请了 I got a sound system,we got
几个专业玩家 那是来自红牛的科里 a couple Go-Pros. That's Corey from Red Bull over there.
你好,科里! Hey,Corey!
你为我家后院拉赞助商吗? You got a sponsor for my backyard?
嘿,Mayron先生! 你要下一个玩吗? Hey,Mr. Mayron! You want next?
尼古拉斯 请叫Dusty就可以了! Nicholas,please,it's Dusty!
是的,我来玩下 Brad,看看这个 And,yes,I do. Brad,watch this run.
我要把这次划溜奉献给我未来的极限冠军 I'm gonna dedicate this run to my future X-Games champs,
Dylan和Megan 这是献给你们的! Dylan and Megan. This is for you!
看起来像你选错了休闲活动,哥们 Looks like you picked the wrong leisure activity,buddy.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
嘿,Sara 嗨 Hey,Sara. Hi.
好吧 下一个是谁? Okay. Who's got next?
我来（同音“偶像”） Idol
看! Look!
你那只是些小把戏,Dusty Some cute little tricks there,Dusty.
很可爱 Really adorable.
Brad?
嘿,谁想看看我们以前常怎么做 Hey,who'd like to see how we used to do it
在加州Encino的空泳池 back in the empty pools of Encino,
Castaic,Irvine,Long Beach?
Santa Clarita?
Santa Cruz?
Fremont?
亲爱的,不,请下来 Honey,no,please come down.
我会的,姐姐 I intend to,sister.
得了 Brad 还没有那么久 Come on,Brad,it hasn't been that long.
神佑我 Godspeed.
哦,我的上帝!Brad! Oh,my God! Brad!
不,最好不要碰他 等一下 No,it's best not to touch him. Wait a second.
你什么意思,不要碰他? 他遇到了麻烦 What do you mean,don't touch him? He's in trouble.
听着,我知道他是遇到了麻烦,好吗? Look,I know he's in trouble,okay?
但是如果出现问题,谁想负责呢? But if there's a problem,who do you want to be in charge?
你吗? You?
好吧 好了,伙计们,我们有一个紧急情况 Okay. All right,guys,we have an emergency situation.
我们做的第一件事是什么? 有人知道吗? And what's the first thing we do? Anybody?
你!红色头发 拨打911 You! Redhead. Call 911.
接近答案 但却是错误的,首先我们要做的是保持冷静 Close. But wrong. First thing we do is remain calm.
这是一个不错的建议 That's good advice.
911的接线员不能听懂你 如果你歇斯底里的,好吗? The 911 operator can't understand you if you're hysterical,okay?
所以让我们都做个深呼吸 在十… So let's all take a deep breath. In for ten...
现在你是在开玩笑吗? 救救他! Are you kidding me right now? Help him!
嘿,这听起来并不平静,Sara Hey,that doesn't sound calm,Sara.
现在,请拨打911 联系调度员 Now,please,call 911 and relate to the dispatcher
冷静带来什么,好吗? 好吧,是的 what happened calmly,okay? Okay,yes.
有人知道我们下一步做什么吗? Anybody know what we do next?
检查脉搏! Check for pulse!
好了!我的明星学生! 来吧 Nice! My star pupil! Come on up here.
好吧!好吧,两个手指搭在脖子上 All right! Okay,two fingers on the neck,
就在耳朵下面 right below the ear.
很好 你感觉到心跳吗? Good. You feel a heartbeat?
好了,现在这意味着 Brad现在是临床的…有人知道吗? Okay,now that means that Brad here is now clinically... Anybody?
你,穿牛仔外套的! 死了吗? You,Jean Jacket! Dead?
好样的 牛仔外套 你是一个聪明的孩子 Attaboy,Jean Jacket. You're a smart kid.
他死了 He is dead.
那么我们该怎么做呢? 快点,我们在这里要失去他了 So what do we do? Come on,we're losing him here.
给他心肺复苏术? Give him C.P.R.?
是的!这是我的女孩 来吧,亲爱的 Yes! That's my girl. Come on up here,sweetie.
好吧!像这样锁好你的手指 然后用力压这里 All right! All right,lock your fingers like this and press down hard right here.
做得好 亲爱的 Great job,sweetheart.
Dusty,快点! Dusty,hurry!
好啦 我来做一次试范 Okay,I'm going to go ahead and take this one.
好吗? 现在仔细观察 Okay? Watch closely now.
如果你正确地做胸外按压 If you do your chest compressions properly,
不会花很长时间 都走开,伙计们 it shouldn't take long. Clear out,guys.
我搞定他了! 我搞定他了! I got him! I got him!
我爸爸能救人性命! My dad can bring people back from the dead!
Whitaker先生变僵尸了! Mr. Whitaker's a zombie!
听着,我很好,真的 我只是有点震惊 Look,I'm okay,really. I just got a little jolt.
你差点死了,Brad You got a little killed is what you got,Brad.
我们认为失去你了 We thought we lost you.
好吧,我很抱歉 Okay,I'm sorry.
我只是厌倦做蹩脚的继父 I just got tired of being the lame stepdad.
所有的孩子都认为他是超人 All the kids think he's Superman.
好吧,现在你知道我的感受 Well,now you know how I felt.
我总是必须做那坏蛋妈妈（扮黑脸） I always had to be the bad guy mom,
拿出胡萝卜和大棒 giving out the carrots and the punishments,
他却会一阵风似的冒出来 只有上帝知道哪里 and he would breeze in from God only knows where
来装有趣的酷老爸 and get to be the cool,fun dad.
亲爱的 听着 Honey. Look.
我会和他谈谈,好吗? I'll talk to him,okay?
我会告诉他拿上他的东西 I'll tell him to get his stuff
去到Red Roof Inn酒店 马上 and get over to the Red Roof Inn. Pronto.
太好了 Great.
等待 汉斯王子是真的坏人吗? Wait. Prince Hans is actually the bad guy?
哥们,我根本看不到未来 Man,I didn't see that coming at all.
他似乎真的很喜欢安娜 He seemed like he really loved Anna.
我讨厌汉斯王子 I hate Prince Hans.
Dusty.
嘿,你感觉如何,充满活力先生? Hey,how you feeling,Sparky?
充满活力先生 很搞笑的 Sparky. That's hilarious.
Brad,你看过这部电影吗? Brad,have you seen this movie?
这是难以置信 It's unbelievable,man.
有两个姐妹,其中一个有冰力量 There's these two sisters,one of them has ice powers.
是的,我熟悉“Frozen”这电影 Yeah,I'm familiar with Frozen.
听着,Dusty,我现在需要和你谈谈 Listen,Dusty,I need to talk to you now.
我现在不能谈话,Brad I can't talk now,Brad.
只是暂停电影! Just pause the movie!
你们出去谈,好吗? Can you guys talk out there,please?
Griff 哥们 你要暂停一下 哥们 Griff,man. You gotta pause it,man.
不!我不想毁了这势头 No! I don't want to ruin the momentum.
他不会…老兄,如果下首歌曲来了 你必须暂停 好吧? He won't... Dude,if another song comes on,you got to pause it. Okay?
我应该暂停我的情绪吗? Am I supposed to pause my emotions?
只是暂停歌曲 哥们 Just pause the song,man.
有什么事吗?有什么事吗? 怎么回事,Brad? What's up? What's up? What's going on,Brad?
不会花很长时间 好吧,好 This shouldn't take long. Okay,good.
听着,我只是想认你一直在这里… Listen,I just think that you're being here...
是的 没有问题 Yeah. No problem.
…现在Griff在这里 ... and now there's Griff here,
开始有些障碍… it's presenting some obstacles...
愚蠢的头盔! Stupid helmet!
亲爱的,发生了什么事? Honey,what happened?
他们又把我推下了自行车! They pushed me off my bike again!
我很讨厌! I'm so sick of it!
我希望他们死,Brad 我希望他们的父母死 I want them dead,Brad. I want their parents dead.
如果他们没有父母,我想要 And if they don't have parents,I want
他们的主要照顾者死 你理解我吗? their primary caregivers dead. Do you understand me?
好吧,好吧 他没事的 Okay,okay. He's okay.
Megan在楼上和玩他 我很生气 Megan's upstairs playing with him. I am so pissed about this.
又是四年级那学生吗? Was it the fourth graders again?
四年级? 什么,你知道这个,Brad? Fourth graders? What,you knew about this,Brad?
是的 Dylan要求特别对我说这些 Yeah. Dylan asked to speak specifically to me about it.
真的吗? 所以,我们角色扮演 Really? So,we role-played
一些解决冲突的对话 some conflict resolution dialogue.
你现在是认真的吗,Brad? Are you being serious right now,Brad?
你需要教他是某个揍屁股解决方案 What you need to be teaching him is some ass-beating resolution.
很明显 你要做一个声明 设置一个基调 Damn straight. You got to make a statement. Set a tone.
这是一个家庭问题 It's kind of a family matter over here.
不,Dusty和Griff是对的 No,Dusty and Griff are right.
那些小朋克的屁股在发痒 Those little punks need their butts whooped.
你有奇迹鞭子吗? You got any Miracle Whip?
是的,它在后面… Yeah,it's behind the...
在这里 等等 让我把它给你 Here. Hold on. Let me just get it for you.
伙计们,我知道我们现在很难过 Guys,I know we're upset right now,
但事实是这样的 but here's the thing.
暴力永远不会解决任何问题 Violence never solved anything.
嘿,查查你的历史书,老兄 Hey,check your history books,buddy.
几乎所有的东西都是通过暴力来解决 Almost everything is solved by violence.
有更好的方法 There are better ways.
好吧 说出个名字 除了对话 Okay. Name one. Besides dialoguing.
要名字吗? 名字! Name one? Name one!
你是什么意思,名字吗? 你说你可以 What do you mean,name one? You said you could
用打架以外的东西来解决问题 solve problems with things other than fighting.
你要做什么? 我不知道 What are you gonna do? I don't know.
你说你知道! 你表现得像你知道! You said you knew! You act like you knew!
好,是的! 什么? Fine,yes! What?
街舞!跳街舞! Dancing! Dancing.
你刚才...你刚是说跳街舞吗? 布莱德 Did you... Did you just say dancing,Brad?
这在年青人中是很流行的方法 用跳舞来解决问题 It's very popular in youth culture to resolve conflict through dancing.
他们先靠在一起然后开始 They step up to each other and get served
街舞 机器舞 锁舞 by crunking,or popping and locking.
他们叫对方出来 互相轮流 They call each other out,they take turns,
比典型的街头斗殴还激烈 and it is no less intense than a classic street brawl.
但 在一天结束后 没有人会受伤 But,at the end of the day,no one's hurt.
而且是一次很好的有氧锻炼 And it's a great aerobic workout.
他讲了一大堆 但是讲到一个重点了 He's flailing a bit,but he has a good point.
在电影当中 跳舞对战可是有悠久的历史 There's a rich history of dance battles in film.
早年有“霹雳舞1” 我甚至都没想到这 You got Breakin' 1... I didn't even think of this.
“霹雳舞2：电动布加洛舞” ... Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo.
一个的罕见例子 续集更好看 One of the rare cases where the sequel was better
比原来的 是好多了 than the original. Much better.
还有“舞出我人生” “街舞少年” You got Step Up,Stomp the Yard.
这个重点很好 He makes a solid point.
亲爱的,你在告诉我们应该教Dylan跳舞吗? Honey,are you telling us that we should teach Dylan to dance?
不,我只是说 No,I'm just saying
教他战斗并不是答案 that teaching him to fight isn't the answer.
好吧,但也许教他反击不是那么糟糕? Okay,but maybe teaching him to fight back isn't so bad?
好吧 Okay.
好了 完美的 这很好,在这里 There we go. Perfect. That's good,right there.
是的 大量的保护 Yeah. A lot of protection.
好吧,Dylan 准备好了吗,哥们? All right,Dylan. You ready,buddy?
我猜 你准备好了 I guess. You're ready.
Brad,Griff 你们当是那四年级的学生 Brad,Griff. You guys be the fourth graders.
我当是Dylan 好的 I'll be Dylan. Okay.
好吧 嘿,哥们,你想做的第一件事 All right. Hey,buddy,the first thing you want to do
是叫你们老大出来 is call out the biggest one.
嘿!有什么事吗? Hey! What's the matter?
你娘娘腔的敢带我去 You too much of a pussy to take me on
如果没有你的小婊子们支持你? without your little bitches to back you up?
哇 好吧,是的 那真的有吓到我了 Wow. Okay,yes. That cut right through me,there.
我现在内心充满了羞耻 I'm filled with inner shame right now.
对自己说“天哪,也许我不规矩” Saying to myself,Gosh,maybe I'm not behaving
“我想100%这样做” 对吧? 我们在说同一件事? 100% the way I want to. Right? Is that same page?
不 孩子应该想的是 现在我要揍你屁股 No. What the kid's gonna think is,Now I can beat your ass
凭我自己 但现在你只在对付一个校霸 all on my own. But now you only got one bully to contend with.
现在校霸开始总是推推搡搡 Now bullies always open up with some shoving first.
看着 Brad,推搡我一下 Watch. Brad,give me a little shove.
我没有碰到那里 对吗？ I didn't connect there,did I?
没有 但真的很近了 No. It was really close,though.
看到我怎么做了吗,小子 我稍微转动身体 See what I did,buddy? I turned my body just enough
让他的重量降到你的拳头上 这样做就可以了 to let his weight bring him in,then I came right down Broadway.
我不会打你 I'm not gonna hit you.
好吧,放松 好吧? Okay,relax. Okay?
这叫做吓你老妈 It's called the element of surprise.
然后你开始踢他屁股! Then you start punking his ass!
你想要更多一些吗,婊子? 婊子,你喜欢这样吗? You want some more of that,bitch? You like that,bitch?
好吧 我们真的需要用这个词吗? All right. Do we really need to use that word?
没有 亲爱的,是的 No. Honey,yes.
不幸的是,我们需要 我很抱歉 Unfortunately,we do. I'm sorry.
你必须要当他是个贱货 You have to make him a bitch.
这是瓦解贱货的第一个步骤 It's a fundamental step in destroying a bully's psyche.
现在给我趴好,贱货 Now stay down,bitch!
然后你就要去踩爆他的蛋蛋 Then you kick that kid right in the nuts!
踢他的蛋蛋,Dylan! Kick him in the nuts,Dylan!
等等! 我还以为你是和我一伙的 Wait! I thought you were in my gang.
是的,但是一旦Dylan把你放倒 我就换立场了 Yeah,but once Dylan tuned you up,I switched sides.
你认为在操场上会发生什么,Brad? What do you think happens out there on the playground,Brad?
现在 好了,来吧,哥们 轮到你了 好吧? All right,now come on,buddy. It's your turn. All right?
我当是那四年级 I'll be the fourth grader.
我已经可以进去了吗? Can I just go inside already,please?
嘿,伙计,这是很容易的 你能做到的 Hey,buddy come on,this is easy. You can do this.
我说,不!我不喜欢这东西 I said,no! I don't like this stuff.
从现在开始我会远离他们 妈妈? I'll just stay away from them from now on. Mom?
好了,到这里来,老兄 Okay,come here,buddy.
得了 没事 Brad Come on. It's all right. Brad.
来帮我一把 来吧 Help me out here. Come on.
嘿,等等 Hey,wait.
伙计,听我说… Pal,listen...
我知道害怕上学是什么样子的 I know what it's like to be afraid to go to school.
好吧? 当我在你那个年龄的时候 Okay? When I was your age,
一群大孩子开始捉弄我 this group of older kids started picking on me.
我逃跑 露天看台下面哭 I ran and I cried underneath the bleachers.
他们每天都来烦我 因为他们知道 They bothered me every day,because they knew
我太害怕面对他们 I was too afraid to face them.
直到有一天,我受够了 Until one day,I'd had enough.
我揍了Jesse Hubbard的鼻子 And I socked Jesse Hubbard right in the nose.
真的吗? 然后他们不再骚扰你了? Really? And they left you alone?
说的太对了 Damn right they did.
Brad 这很好 Brad. That was good.
过来,哥们 嘿,我为你骄傲 好吧? Come here,buddy. Hey,I'm proud of you. All right?
现在,看着我 我想要你 Now,look at me. I want you to
猛揍他们的喉结 好吗？ punch them right in the Adam's apple. Okay?
我要你粉碎他们的喉咙 I want you to shatter their throat.
等等 等等 Hold on,hold on.
抱歉 听着,我现在有一阵内疚感 I'm sorry. Look,I'm having a pang of guilt right now.
充分披露 其中的一些情节 Full disclosure. Some of the elements
在我故事里 并不完全是真的 of my story weren't exactly true.
不停地哭,那是100%真实 The incessant crying,100% true.
不断被欺凌,当然,这一切都发生了 The constant bullying,absolutely,it all happened,
但我从没打过任何人 在我的生命中 but I've never punched anyone in my life.
我可以告诉你那个 I could have told you that.
那你做什么了? 是的,你做什么了? Then what did you do? Yeah,what did you do?
好吧,根本什么都没做 事实上,六年级是那么艰难 Well,nothing at all. In fact,sixth grade was so rough,
我改了我的名字叫 I changed my name to
Devin Lacecock.
为什么你告诉他那个吗? Why the hell would you tell him that?
整个学年我假装瞎子 I pretended to be blind for an entire school year,
只是为了引起同情 just to elicit empathy.
这很好,直到 Which was great until
他们发现我盯着看一集“风流医生俏护士” they found me intently watching an episode of M*A*S*H.
事实上,它是如此糟糕,我父母不得不卖掉 In fact,it got so bad,my parents had to refinance
我们的房子把我送进私立学校 our house to put me in private school.
让我们就这样做 我可以去私立学校吗? Let's just do that. Can I go to private school,please?
不,Dylan,我们不能这样做 想知道为什么吗? No,Dylan,we can't do that. Want to know why?
因为自从那一天 Because ever since that day,
我一直逃避冲突 I've always run away from conflict.
事实上,如果我有一个爸爸像Dusty 当我在你那个年龄的时候,也许 In fact,if I had a dad like Dusty when I was your age,maybe
他可以教我如何自己站起来 he could have taught me how to stand up for myself.
所以,等待 你是说的 So,wait. You're saying,
如果我现在不自己站起来 if I don't stick up for myself now,
我将长大会成为你这样的懦弱无能? I'll grow up to be a huge wussy like you?
是的 这是基本上是我想说 是的 Yes. That is the basic gist of what I'm saying. Yes.
好吧 那么就让我们做这个 Okay. Then let's do this.
来吧,伙计,你会搞定的 Come on,buddy,you got this.
教我一些东西 来吧 Give me something. Come on.
快速点 用力点 刻薄些 强壮些 Faster,harder,meaner,stronger.
你很快,很好 You're fast,you're good.
你是个赢家 你是个冠军 You're a winner. You're a champion.
他们必须让你摆脱束缚 我们有头小斗牛在这里 They got to let you off the leash,baby. We got a little pit bull here.
这真的很好,伙计们 干得好 That was really nice,you guys. Good job.
真的很有趣看到你们两个一起工作 It was really fun to watch the two of you working together
就像两个伟大的联合爸爸 like a couple of great co-dads.
是的 Yeah.
联合爸爸 这是… Co-dads. That's...
这是好东西 That's good stuff.
你知道吗? 在同样的团结精神下 You know what? In that same spirit of unity,
我想表达感激之情 对你邀请我 I want to show my gratitude for your inviting me
留在这里并分享这样的时刻 to stay here and share moments like these.
对于那个 Dusty 当我把你拉到那边,其实… About that,Dusty. When I pulled you over there,actually...
不,你这里所做的事可以忽略 No,what you've done here does not go unnoticed.
我要偿还我的债务 And I repay my debts.
听着,萨拉,我知道你很想再要个孩子 Look,Sara,I know how much you want another child.
我想我可以帮助你 把一个婴儿放进去 I think I can help put a baby in there for you.
哦,我的上帝! 你在说什么? Oh,my God! What are you saying?
我认识一个人 Dusty,求你了! 你认识个人？ I mean I got a guy. Dusty,please! You got a guy?
是的,我认识一个人 一个不孕不育科医生 Yes,I got a guy. A fertility doctor.
他是我的朋友 他的第一铁人大战我训练他 He's a buddy of mine. I trained him for his first lronman.
好吗? Francisco医生货真价实 All right? Dr. Francisco is the real deal.
Dr. Emilio Francisco? 你听说过他吗? Dr. Emilio Francisco? You've heard of him?
哦,我的上帝,是的 Oh,my God,yeah.
他好像有10次上了“奥兹医生秀” He's been on Dr. Oz like 10 times.
他是全国前五名的生殖内分泌学家 He's one of the top five reproductive endocrinologists in the country.
明白了吗? 人们要等数才能挂上这家伙的号 See? People wait years to get an appointment with this guy.
你真的认为他会看到我们吗? Do you really think he would see us?
哇,哇,等一等 我知道他会 Whoa,whoa,hold on. I know he would.
如果有人可以帮助你有个小孩,那一定是他 If anybody can help you have a baby,he can.
妈妈会有一个婴儿了? Mommy's going to have a baby?
太酷了!我们可以命名为Griff吗? Cool! Can we name it Griff?
谢谢,D哥们 Thanks,D-man.
看,你们,我不知道这是否是一个好主意 Look,you guys,I don't know if this is a good idea.
你不想给宝宝取一个黑人名字? You don't wanna name your baby after a black person?
是这样吗? 不! Is that it? No!
你可能想要取个真正的白人名字 You probably want to name it something really white,
类似Connor或Gordon like Connor or Gordon.
Harland或带一个T的Scot或者Brad Harland,or Scot with one T. Or Brad.
不,不,Griff是一个可爱的名字 我只是说 No,no,Griff is a lovely name. I'm just saying,
放弃我们的希望不是个好主意 I don't think it's a good idea to get our hopes up,
因为,最终 because,in the end,
奇怪的是,我会让你失望的 odds are,I'm going to let you down.
好的,亲爱的,但是如果 Okay,honey,but what if
我保证,承诺,承诺不要放弃我的希望? I promise,promise,promise not to get my hopes up?
我们可以只作尝试,对吗? 它不会有伤害 We could just try,right? It can't hurt.
好的,当然 但是你不能放弃你的希望 Okay,sure. But you can't get your hopes up.
不 我不会,我不会!谢谢你们！ No. I won't,I won't! Thank you!
我觉得你已经放弃你的希望了 I feel like you've already gotten your hopes up.
你要去哪里? 没那里 Where are you going? Nowhere!
你打电话给你妈妈吗? 不! You calling your mother? No!
好吧,是的,但它是别的事情 Okay,yes,but it's about something else.
不是别的事情 It's not about something else.
该死的,Brad,他在陷害你 Damn it,Brad,he set you up.
他利用这幻想医生让你妻子回到婴儿火车上 He used this fancy doctor to get your wife back on the baby train.
当测试结果出来后 证明你不能给她一个孩子 When those test results come back and prove you can't give her a baby,
猜猜谁会等在那里看笑话？ guess who's gonna be waiting there cocked and loaded?
好吧,我相信我妻子 Well,I trust my wife,
所以我们真的不需要继续谈论这个,好吗? so we really don't need to keep talking about it,okay?
让我告诉你一个小故事,Brad Let me tell you a little story,Brad.
当Jeneane,我的第四任,和我从蜜月回来 When Jeneane,my fourth,and I were returning from our honeymoon,
她告诉我,她有一个23岁的孩子 she told me that she had a 23-year-old kid.
一个巴西男孩 她说是她在很年轻时生的 Brazilian boy. Said she had him real young.
于是他搬来跟我们住 So he moves in with us.
不会说一点英语 Doesn't speak a lick of English.
通常在紧张情况下 我就试图显示权威 There are the usual tensions. I try to assert my authority.
“Andreas把脚从家具上放下来” Andreas,get your feet off the furniture.
“Andreas你太大了 和妈妈睡在床上 ” Andreas,you're too old to sleep in bed with Mommy.
“Andreas你必须远离毒品” Andreas,you got to stay off the 'roids.
而他很生气 用汽车天线打我 And he'd get mad,and hit me with a car antenna.
也许这就是孩子们的方式 Maybe that's the way kids are.
不 不是真的 No. Not really.
所以我收养他,帮助他获得公民身份 So I adopt him,help him get his citizenship.
文件通过的那一刻,猜猜发生了什么? The second the papers come through,guess what happens?
我已经知道了 I already know.
他们在巴斯托同居 They shack up together in Barstow.
原来Andreas是她的男朋友,Brad It turns out Andreas is her boyfriend,Brad.
我没料到它会发生 I did not see it coming.
我确实是 你的故事里的一两个词语 I actually did,about one,two words into your story.
这个故事的寓意是 The moral of this fable is,
知道你被殴打时很高兴 it's good to know when you're beaten.
你知道我在关心你,Brad 谢谢 You know I think the world of you,Brad. Thank you.
但是如果我完全诚实,我会支持Dusty But if I'm being completely honest,even I'm rooting for Dusty.
他是这么可爱 He's just so damn likeable.
你知道,是不是有点晚 让我们就回到工作吧? You know,it's getting kind of late. Shouldn't we just get back to work?
好吧,你赢了 Okay,you win.
我们明年夏天的熊猫果酱品牌说到哪了? So where are we on The Panda Jam numbers for next summer?
伦敦,你还在电话会议上吗? London,you still on the conference call?
Dusty Mayron 你这疯狂的王八蛋 Dusty Mayron,you crazy hijo de puta!
嘿,怎么了,医生? Hey,what's up,Doc?
你看起来很好,伙计 你还在玩那些铁人大赛吗? You look great,man. You still rocking those lronmans?
是的,兄弟 我刚结束在巴西的训练 11小时40分钟 Yeah,bro. I just finished Brazil in 11:40.
这是难以置信的 是的 好吧,来吧 That's unbelievable. Yeah. Well,come on.
全靠你的 哥们 Ain't nothing on you,man.
嘿,我第一次比赛是一瘸一拐到终点线 Hey,my first race,I'm limping across the finish line
是这个混蛋折磨我的 when this bastard laps me.
得了,是谁赢了一次铁人大赛 I mean,come on,who wins an lronman,
然后就决定再去? 是谁那样做的? then decides to go around again? Who does that?
这听起来好像很累 It sounds exhausting.
你好,我是Dr.Francisco 你一定是Sara Hey,I'm Dr. Francisco. You must be Sara.
嗨 Hi.
Dusty,对于这个你没有说谎 很好 Dusty,you were not lying about this one.Very nice.
对这个你也没有说谎 And you weren't lying about this one either.
你一定是Chief Glowing Sack You must be Chief Glowing Sack.
什么? What?
嘿,来吧,我只是在照亮你 哥们 Hey,come on,I'm just lighting you up,man.
来吧,拥抱下下 Come on,little hug.
好吧,回到正题,你们都 让我们看一看 Okay,come on back,y'all. Let's take a look.
好吧 让我们详细说明实际情况 All right. So let's run it down.
我认为我们可以安全地说 I think we can safely say
你的问题与x射线没有任何关系 your issue has nothing to do with X-rays.
你知道吗,亲爱的,到这里来 让我们看看那漂亮的小手 You know what,sweetheart,come here. Let's see that pretty little hand.
好吧 现在把它在这里 Okay. Now put it right in here.
好吧,你感觉到了吗？ Okay,you feel that?
是的 好吧,这不是你想的 Yeah. Okay,that is not how you want
睾丸应有的形状 testicles to be shaped.
真的吗? 感觉就像所有其他的蛋蛋…… Really? It feels like all the other balls...
嗨 Hi.
它切断了血液流动,明白吗? 能力受限制 It cuts off blood flow,okay? Limits potency.
你想让他们… 你知道吗? 实际上… You want them to... You know what? Actually...
嗨,Dusty! 嗨 Hey,Dusty! Hey.
为什么他会在这里? 请到这里,帮点小忙 Why is he coming in here? Little help in here,please.
拜托,你每次都要我帮这个忙 Come on. You gotta put me through this every time?
来吧 大方一点 好的 Come on. Be a sport. All right.
哦,我的上帝!你在做什么? Oh,my God! What are you doing?
这道德吗? Is this even ethical?
詹姆斯与巨桃 James and the Giant Peach.
你咽口水了？ 没有 Did you just gulp? No.
没事的,我每次都咽口水 It's okay,I gulp every time.
你看,这个…这个是你想要的 You see,this... This is what you want.
丰满和球状 Plump and bulbous.
玻璃光滑,就像 Glassy smooth,like
两个Patrick Stewarts（光头演员）你知道我的意思吗? two Patrick Stewarts,you know what I mean?
别让我在Sara前面像这样尴尬了,好吗? Don't embarrass me in front of Sara like this anymore,okay?
嘿,对不起,兄弟 Hey,sorry,bro.
那么 准备挤牛奶 看看我们能否有一丝希望？ So,ready to milk the cow,see if we even got a sliver of hope here?
嘿,Dusty,来吧,哥们 想要尝试打破自己的纪录吗? Hey,Dusty,come on,buddy. Want to try to break your own record?
不,我很好 No,I'm good.
嘿,来吧,伙计 我在帮你的忙呢 Hey,come on,man. I'm doing you a favor here.
在接下来的研讨会给我些吹牛材料 Give me something to brag about at the next symposium.
好吧 你想打破记录,我会打破这个记录 Fine. You want to break the record,I gotta break the record.
是的 孩子来玩啰 Yeah. Kid came to play.
我应该抓住一个大杯吗? Should I grab a big cup,too?
什么? 别瞎转悠 What? Stop screwing around.
快点 我们别浪费时间了 Come on. We're burning daylight here.
你好 快速的问题 那会有多困难 Hello. Quick question. How difficult would it be
对某人来说 做一批你的肉桂卷? for someone to whip up a batch of your Cinnabons?
你会需要餐厅级别的烤箱吗? Would you need restaurant-grade ovens?
Bradsky 你能把这给Dusty吗? Bradsky. Could you pass this along to Dusty?
这是他的第一张驻留支票 It's his first reside check.
免责声明 这比你赚得多 Disclaimer. It's more than you make.
不要担心这 比我多多少… Don't get worried about it. How much more than...
告诉他8:30准时到我家 And tell him,8:30 sharp at my house.
他不需要带任何东西 好吧,哥们? He doesn't need to bring anything. All right,buddy?
我还从没去过你家呢 I've never been to your house.
是的,你没有 No,you haven't.
哦,我的上帝,我的头发,看起来很糟糕 Oh,my God,my hair,it looks awful.
妈妈的头发看上去不漂亮吗? Doesn't Mommy's hair look pretty?
不 请下一张 好的 No. Next slide,please. Okay.
幻灯片 有趣 Slides. Fun.
酷 你们爬上那里吗? Cool. You guys climbed that?
讨厌 为什么你们每张照片都在接吻？ Yuck. Why are you guys kissing in every single picture?
妈妈以前老是亲吻爸爸 Mommy used to kiss Daddy a lot.
已婚人士有很多亲吻 Married people kiss a lot.
准备好了吗? Ready?
哇,中国（长城） Wow,China.
我很喜欢那里 I loved it there.
Dylan,你就是在那堵墙种下的,老兄 Dylan,you were created right there on that wall,buddy.
真的吗? Dusty,够了 Really? Dusty,that's enough.
好的,下一个幻灯片 Okay,next slide.
那里是我跟你妈妈碰到的地方 表演夏季轮换剧目“国王和我” That's where your mom and I met,doing The King and I in summer stock.
上帝,那服装太紧了 God,that costume was so tight.
请下一张 Next slide,please.
哦,我的上帝 Oh,my God.
这是宝宝的我吗? Is that baby me?
好吧,你们,我们准备睡觉了 All right,you guys,let's get ready for bed.
好吗? 故事时间到了,Mayron家的! Okay? -It's story time,Mayron family!
我们不用等Whitaker先生,是吗? We don't have to wait for Mr. Whitaker,do we?
我真的不喜欢你,但那些狗屎令人心碎 I really don't like you,but that shit is heartbreaking.
Griff回家了！ Griff's home!
国王举起了他的剑 So the King raised his mighty sword
and rained steel down upon the 假国王. 钢铁雨落向 假国王
But the 假国王 blocked it with his shield. 但 假国王用他的盾牌挡住
和挥舞着九尾鞭打向国王沾沾自喜的脸 And swung his cat o'nine tails into the King's smug face.
国王轻易地把皮鞭像海鸥的羽毛一般刷落 Which the King easily brushed aside like the feather of a gull.
然后国王还击了一阵猛砍 And then the King did counter with a barrage of slashes
and thrusts so fast and precise the 假国王 had no way to parry. 刺击 那么快速和精确以至于国王无法招架
但是他做到了 他做到了 招架住了所有进攻 But he did. He did. He parried all of them.
很容易 这是没什么大不了的 Easily. It was no big deal.
然后他抓住了国王的剑 Then he grabbed the King's sword right out of his hand
用他的膝盖吧剑撞碎 and smashed it over his knee.
这时国王拿出了泵动式Mossberg猎枪! That's when the King pulled out a pump-action Mossberg shotgun!
这完全是不合时间的 Which is completely anachronistic.
So if we're doing any time period,then the 假国王 just happened to be 如果我们不管故事发生的时期, 假国王碰巧
穿着凯夫拉防弹衣 wearing Kevlar body armor.
触发手榴弹! 手榴弹 Concussion grenade! Hand grenade.
火箭炮 导弹发射 Rocket launcher. Missile launcher.
空袭 核打击 Air strike. Nuclear strike.
黑洞 上帝 Black hole. God.
我们知道结局是什么 We know what this comes down to.
The 假国王 was very upset 假国王很生气
因为当真正的国王拔出他的剑 because when the real King pulled out his sword,
又长而且闪着光 it was long and shiny,
and the 假国王 did shudder at the size of it. 假国王看到这剑的尺寸确实不寒而栗
And while the 假国王 acknowledged that the King carried a mighty, 就在 假国王承认国王带了一把强大的
精美的雕刻大刀 beautifully engraved broadsword,
全国所有的少女 all the maidens in the land
更喜欢中等尺寸 preferred the more average-sized
假国王's sword because 假国王的剑 因为
它知道如何倾听 it knew how to listen.
而国王需要知道 他只是一个客人 And the King needs to realize he's a guest in his castle
他最好注意自己的言行 and he better mind his P's and Q's
because the 假国王 has had it up to here 因为 假国王已经受够了
国王的废话! with the King's bullshit!
Brad说了一个脏词 Brad said a naughty word.
孩子,我很抱歉你不得不听那不恰当的语言 Kids,I'm so sorry you had to hear that inappropriate language.
确保告诉你妈妈 Make sure you tell your mother.
Brad,我能在大厅里跟你谈一谈,好吗? Brad,can I talk to you in the hall,please?
Brad,刚才发生了什么 在那里,哥们? Brad,what just happened in there,man?
Look,the 假国王 should not have used inappropriate language 听着, 假国王不应该使用不恰当的语言
在王子和公主面前,他承认那点 in front of the Prince and Princess,he admits that.
那你为什么还说呢,Brad? Why are you still saying it like that,Brad?
我们在大厅外 We're out in the hall.
我不知道 我心烦意乱 I don't know. I'm upset.
等等 Hold on.
喂? Hello?
是的,Brad在这里 他很好 Yeah,Brad's here,he's doing good.
嘿,是Dr.Francisco Hey,it's Dr. Francisco.
他希望我们所有人在明天九点半去见他 你方便吗？ He wants us all to come in tomorrow. 9:30 work for you?
是的,我想可以 是的 Yeah,I guess so. Yeah,
那么 我们再见 好吧,哥们 来吧,哥们 we'll see you then. All right,bud. Come on,man.
医生待会就会见你们 The doctor will be with you in a moment.
谢谢 谢谢 Thank you. Thank you.
嗨,Brad, Hey,Brad,
无论发生什么,我只是想让你知道 whatever happens here,I just want you to know
我为你骄傲,你做得最好 that I'm proud of you for doing your best.
好吗? 谢谢 Okay? Thank you.
你好,你好 好吧 我就开门见山了 Hello,hello. Okay. I'm going to cut right to the chase.
Sara,恐怕我有一些坏消息 Sara,I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
哦,上帝 这太不幸了 我很抱歉 Oh,God. That is a tough break. I'm sorry.
该死的,这是个真正的耻辱 我的心都融化了 Damn,that is a real shame. My heart is melting.
是的,这是一个真正的耻辱,Sara Yeah,it's a real shame,Sara.
一个真正的耻辱,你必须要忍受 A real shame that you're gonna have to put up
这里的Brad卖力地干你 with Brad here pounding away on you
一遍又一遍,现在他有一线生机 over and over,now that he's got a fighting chance
让你怀孕 of getting you pregnant.
什么? 哦,我的上帝! What? Oh,my God!
上帝! 哦,我的上帝 Holy moly! Oh,my God.
嘿,医生,医生,不要给他们虚假希望 Hey,Doc,Doc,don't give them a false sense of hope.
记得你有说过关于血液流通和奇怪的蛋蛋? Remember what you said about the blood flow and the screwy 'nads?
是的,对于那个 Brad要感谢你,Dusty Yeah,well,Brad has you to thank for that,Dusty.
在实验室里的老鼠,当另一个雄性阿尔法 In lab rats,whenever another alpha male
出现时,它会分泌睾酮 comes around,it can spike testosterone,
提高精子数量 driving up sperm counts.
现在,没有保证,好吗? 但在我的帮助下,Brad Now,no guarantees,okay? But with my help,Brad,
我认为在你蛋蛋有足够的精子 一直到有个宝宝 I think you got enough left in the tank to make it all the way to baby town.
这是如此美妙 谢谢你！ That's so wonderful. Thank you.
谢谢你 当然 Thank you so much. Of course.
我们可以给你一个拥抱吗? 是的 来吧 Can we give you a hug? Yeah. Come on in.
哦,我的天啊 Oh,my gosh.
没有期望这个 Did not expect this.
你那强壮的海蛇,你 You virile sea snake,you.
我低估了你,Brad 是的,你低估了 I underestimated you,Brad. Yes,you did.
我终于可以给Sara一切,这感觉很好 I can finally give Sara everything,and it feels good.
现在,听着,这是你需要做什么 Now,listen,this is what you need to do.
你需要去Dusty睡觉的房间外面小便 You need to go and pee outside the room that Dusty sleeps in.
他会闻到你的尿液并且知道 He's gonna smell your urine and know that
他就会知道你不是好惹的了 your virility is not to be taken lightly.
这是一个好建议 我去年在大厅里做过 It's good advice. I did it last year in the lobby.
我记得 这有害健康 I remember. It was a health hazard.
那是惊吓那个联邦快递伙计 It scared the FedEx guy.
不了,但是我准备用一个更高招的方式 No,I'm going to take the high road on this one.
好吧,用更高招的方式 Okay,fine,take the high road.
但你要尽快弄个宝宝出来，Brad But jam a baby up in there as quickly as you can,Brad.
因为,最终,如果Sara选择Dusty而不是你 Because,in the end,if Sara does choose Dusty over you,
他就会成为你小孩的继父了 he has to be stepdad to your baby.
这样多美好啊? How beautiful is that?
来吧,击个掌 Come on,five it.
不 你知道,感觉很奇怪 No. You know,it feels strange
为我的未出生的孩子击掌 to high-five over the custody of my unborn child.
我一直站在Dusty这边 I've been on Dusty's team.
我想跳到获胜的那边 Brad I'm trying to jump over to the winning team Brad.
明白的 我真的不愿意 Get on this. I'd really rather not.
在这里我想与你分享一下 请击个掌 I'm trying to share a moment with you here. Please five me.
感觉…不,谢谢 It feels... No,thanks.
搞定! 等待 不 Got it! Wait. No.
亲爱的 这不算的 Sweet. It didn't count.
我爱你,Brad I love you,Brad.
这不是一个有约束的击掌 It's not a binding high-five.
胡说! Fat beans in there.
Dusty? Brad.
我能为你做什么? What can I do for you?
哇,那样做俯卧撑真的厉害 Wow,that's some impressive up-downs.
听着 Look,
你为萨拉和我所做的 what you did for Sara and me,
改变了我们的生活 that's a life-changer,and
我只是想说谢谢你 I just wanted to say thank you.
我很抱歉 And I'm sorry.
抱歉什么? Sorry for what?
好吧,是这样的 Well,here's the thing.
你的出现 I mean,you show up,
一个酷酷和令人兴奋的家伙 here's this guy who's cool and exciting.
我觉得有一点挑战,一点不安,我就开始想 I guess I felt a little competitive,and slightly insecure,and I start thinking,
也许你想要挑战我 well,maybe you want to challenge me.
但是今天你证明了 所有你真正关心的 But today you proved that all you really care about
是我们的家庭幸福 is our family's happiness.
哦,哥们 Oh,man.
愧不敢当 I'm humbled.
我是说真的 你知道吗? I mean it. And you know what?
你说得对 我是在挑战你,Brad You're right. I was challenging you,Brad.
是吗? 事实上? Yeah? The truth?
当我看到我孩子们生活中的新家伙 I see this new man in my kids' life.
他善良 会照顾以及那么成功,我甚至不想喜欢你 He's kind and caring and successful,and I don't even want to like you.
但我忍不住 我喜欢你,Brad But I can't help it. I like you,Brad.
真的吗? Really?
我决定把你推出去 抢回我的家庭 I was determined to push you out and get my family back.
我卑鄙虚伪地进行着 I was underhanded and disingenuous about it.
我觉得自己像个怪物 I feel like a monster.
不 不,不,不 No. No,no,no.
为了免得无礼,我想让你闭嘴 At the risk of being disrespectful,I want you to shut your mouth.
你有这想法很正常的 好吧? You are allowed to have those feelings. Okay?
见鬼,我们在谈论你自己的孩子 天啊! Heck,we're talking about your own children here,for cripes' sake.
一笔勾销？ Clean slate?
当然 Absolutely.
到这里来 Come here.
有趣的是? 你甚至都不出汗 You know what's funny? You're not even sweating,
做了那么多俯卧撑后 after doing all those push-ups.
绝对牛逼 That's exemplary.
谢谢你,Dusty Thank you,Dusty.
谢谢你,Brad Thank you,Brad.
所有你要把我推出去 接管我的家庭这些 All that stuff about pushing me out and taking over my family,
我们都让这一些过去了 对吗? I mean,we're through all that,right?
不,不,不 我来这里是要击败你 No,no,no. I'm here to defeat you
抢回我的家人 这不能改变 and take back my family. That can't change.
但现在我会像你一样 光明正大地做 But now I'll follow your noble example and do it above board.
老实说 像个男人 像你一样 Honestly. Like a man. Like you.
但我们刚拥抱过 你说你喜欢我 But we just hugged. You said you like me.
Brad,我非常喜欢你 I do like you,Brad,very much.
但不会轻易改变我的决心 It doesn't make this any easier.
你知道我要告诉Sara 你今天在这里说的一切 You know I'm gonna have to tell Sara what you said in here today.
当然 如果不告诉的话是不负责任的 Of course. It would be irresponsible not to.
她不会喜欢听的 她会想要你离开 She's not gonna like it. She's gonna want you out.
你是对的 Brad You're right about that,Brad.
你到底想干嘛？ What the hell are you up to?
我只是告诉你我要去做什么 I just told you what I'm up to.
我的头现在转晕了 My head is spinning right now.
嘿,你有红薯吗? 或山药? Hey,you got any sweet potatoes? Or yams?
红薯或山药? Sweet potatoes or yams?
Griff,你知道我们有山药的,好吗? Griff,you know we have yams,all right?
你让我买给的 You made me buy them for you.
我去拿之前问你只是想尊重你 I wanted to respect your house by asking you
我不想直接就去抓山药 before I got them. I didn't want to just go grab yams.
好吧,我很感谢你这样 我处理一些事情 Okay,I appreciate that. I'm dealing with something.
直接去拿山药 好的 Just go get the yams. All right.
这样 你是对的,Dusty Here's the thing. You're right,Dusty.
是的 我不打算告诉Sara Yeah. I'm not going to tell Sara.
但我要证明给你看我是最好的爸爸 But I'm gonna prove to you that I'm the best.
你会望尘莫及 Dusty You can eat my dust,Dusty.
圣诞节到了吗? 为什么没人告诉我? Christmas already? Why didn't anybody tell me?
不是 才四月中旬 It's not. It's the middle of April.
一定是爸爸这样做! Daddy must have done this!
不,他没有 No,he didn't.
Brad.
Claus是他的名字 圣诞老人,请这么说 Claus is the name. Santa Claus,if you please.
但和你说话这个Brad But this Brad you speak of
我在北极时一直打电话给我说 called me all the way up at the North Pole.
他的孩子们很难过因为 He said his children were so sad because
他们的生父错过了很多 their biological father had missed so many
圣诞节和生日 Christmases and birthdays
和特别家庭假期,所以他请求我 and special family holidays,so he asked me
今天来这里,这样Dusty to come here today so that Dusty
可以体验一个圣诞节 could experience one Christmas
和他的孩子们一起过 在他再次离开之前 with his kids before he leaves again.
可能会是很长一段时间 Probably for a long,long time.
我们可以打开礼物吗? Can we open presents?
当然,小女孩 You sure can,little girl.
我想这些礼物是Brad送的 I think they're from Brad.
事实上,所有的礼物都是Brad送的 In fact,all the presents are from Brad.
让我们找找是否有Dusty的礼物 Let's see if any of the presents are from Dusty.
没有 没有一个Dusty的礼物 都是Brad送的 Nope. Not one present from Dusty. All from Brad.
嘿,孩子们,让我们不要忘记谁给你们一只狗 还记得吗? Hey,kids,let's not forget who got you a dog. Remember?
嘿,Tumor,别磨蹭圣诞老人！ Hey,Tumor,quit humping Mrs. Claus!
好吧,我真得担心你 Okay,I am officially worried about you.
别担心，圣诞老人没有忘记你 Don't worry,Claus hasn't forgotten you.
给我吗? 是的 For me? Yeah.
哦,我的上帝,亲爱的,很漂亮 我爱它 Oh,my God,honey,it's beautiful. I love it.
等待,不!不!不,不 这太贵了 Wait,no! No! No,no. It's too much.
不,好像Tumor泄露了给Megan的大礼物 No,it looks like Tumor's given away Megan's big gift.
一匹小马!一匹小马!一匹小马! A pony! A pony! A pony!
我知道,这是一匹小马! I know,it's a pony!
这是一匹小马,Dusty! 一匹小马! It's a pony,Dusty! A pony!
我们能取名叫她埃尔莎公主吗? Can we name her Princess Elsa?
你可以叫他什么都可以,因为它是你的! You can name him whatever you want,because it's yours!
Brad,我们怎样能买得起一匹小马? Brad,how can we afford a pony?
我们要那东西放到哪里去？ Where are we even going to put that thing?
我可以在车库里清除出一些马厩空地 I can clear out some stable space in the garage.
听着,他只有半匹马大小 Look,it's only half a horse.
好吗? 把它想象成一只大狗,只是要好太多 Okay? Think of it like a big dog,only a lot better.
这是什么? 到底是什么鬼? What's this? What the heck?
是今晚NBA季后赛门票… It's tickets to tonight's NBA playoff game...
什么? …Dylan最喜欢的球队 What? -... against Dylan's favorite team,
洛杉矶湖人队吗? the Los Angeles Lakers?
谢谢你,Brad! 你是最酷的! Thanks,Brad! You're the coolest!
我爱你,Brad! I love you,Brad!
很好 Not bad.
太好了 Not bad at all.
Whitaker全家,圣诞快乐! Merry Christmas,Whitaker family!
圣诞节吗? Christmas?
我睡了多久了? How long was I asleep for?
你们有足够的糖果吗? 是的! You guys got enough candy? Yeah!
记住,你可以你想要的拥有任何东西,因为是圣诞节! Remember,you can have anything you want,'cause it's Christmas!
不,它不是 不是圣诞节,孩子们 No,it isn't. It's not Christmas,kids.
好吧 我们到了 病态!我们坐这么近吗? All right. Here we are. Sick! We're this close?
是的 很好,对吧? Megan,你就坐在那里 Yeah. Pretty good,right? Megan,you sit down right there.
完美的 Dylan,你坐我旁边 Perfect. Dylan,you sit next to me.
Dusty,我很抱歉 是的 And,Dusty,I'm so sorry. Yeah.
我只能买到四张连号的 买不到第五张 I could only get four in a row. I couldn't get five.
所以你穿过过道,坐到那位先生的旁边 So you're across the aisle,next to that gentleman.
好,伙计们,我就在这里 All right,guys,I'll be right here.
我们仍然可以聊天 再见,爸爸 We can still chat. Bye,Daddy.
看,那是科比!这是他! 他就在那里 Look,there's Kobe! It's him! He's right there.
谢谢你,Brad,这是我所得到过的最好礼物 Thank you,Brad,this is the best present I've ever gotten.
完全不客气 在我的整个生活里 You are so welcome. In my whole life.
我很高兴听到“这是我所得到过的最好礼物” I'm glad to hear it's the best present you've ever got!
这些座位花了多少钱? How much did these seats cost?
不太多 Not too much.
女士们,先生们,让我们热烈欢迎 Ladies and gentlemen,let's give a big welcome
所有来自“勇敢的心”的孩子们 to all the kids from Hearts of Courage.
哇! “勇敢的心”的孩子们！ Whoo! Hearts of Courage kids!
为你们骄傲,你们都是奇迹! Proud of you,you're all miracles!
我爱孩子们! I love kids!
好吧,宝贝 够了 All right,honey. That's plenty.
我只是和我家人在一起就很兴奋! I just get excited when I'm with my family!
Dusty! Dusty Mayron!
马可? 嘿! Marco? Hey!
怎么了,伙计? 你现在是教练吗? What's up,man? Are you coaching now?
是的,我是新的力量体能教练 Yeah,I'm the new strength and conditioning coach.
哥们 赞！ Man. Check you out.
嘿,我和他在意大利打过球 Hey,I played ball with him in Italy.
这是我的家人 我的小家伙,Dylan This is my family. My little guy,Dylan.
他是世界上科比最忠实球粉丝 He's the biggest Kobe fan in the world.
真的吗? 过来 我为你介绍 Really? Come on down. I'll introduce you.
什么? 什么? 你听到了吗? What? What? You hear that?
你想见科比吗? You want to meet Kobe?
带全家过来 Bring the whole family down.
你们可以和球队坐一起 You guys can sit with the team.
嘿,这是我的小女孩,Megan Hey,this is my little girl,Megan.
她刚邀请我参加她的第一次“父女跳舞”舞会 She just invited me to her first Daddy-Daughter Dance.
太好了 他刚刚说了什么? So sweet. What did he just say?
到底他刚刚说了什么? What the hell did he just say?
对不起 他没事 Sorry. He's okay.
不,我有事 他有事 No,I'm not okay. He's not okay.
亲爱的,你需要冷静下来 不!我不会冷静下来 Honey,you need to calm down. No! I'm not gonna calm down.
她先请的我! She asked me first!
现在她请了他? 不 这不公平 And now she's asking him? No. It's not fair.
实际上,这很公平 好吗? 她有两个爸爸 Actually,it's very fair. Okay? She has two dads.
她希望你们俩都到场 你必须接受那个 She wants you both there. You just have to accept that.
不,我不接受 好吗? No,I'm not going to accept it. All right?
我接送上车! 我接送下车! I do pick-up! I do drop-off!
我在学校做志愿者! Okay,I volunteer at school!
我倾听乱发脾气和哭声 I listen to the tantrums and the crying
和该死的循环播放的“冰雪皇后”背景乐！一直这么做 and the soundtrack of Frozen that's on a goddamn loop all the time!
而他才刚到在几天,就也要去参加舞会吗? 不! And he just waltzes in for a few days,and now he gets to go as well? No!
不,她必须得选择 我或他! No,she's got to choose. It's either me or him!
Megan,您必须选择! Megan,you got to choose!
你必须选择! 嘿! You got to choose! Hey!
这是你生活中最重要的决定! It's the biggest decision of your life!
嘿! Hey!
你知道吗? 我要假装你不会像疯子一样表现 You know what? I'm going to pretend you're not acting like a crazy person,
因为我知道你很难过 because I know you're very upset.
但是你要控制住自己 好吗? But you need to get over yourself. Okay?
现在下去那里和你的孩子们开开心心 Now go down there and be happy with your kids.
不! 这些座位我花了18000美元从黄牛那里买来 我不离开! No! A scalper gouged me 18 grand for these seats. I'm not leaving them!
什么? What?
你刚才说什么? What did you just say?
是的 没什么 让我们…你是对的 Yeah. Nothing. Let's just... You're right.
我现在好多了 谢谢你！ I'm so much more relaxed now. Thank you.
是的 我们下去…让我们… Yeah. Let's just go down... Let's just...
不! No!
我想你应该坐在你那18000美元的座位上 I think you should sit in your $18,000 seats,
想想你的家庭可以更好地用这些钱 and think of all the better ways your family could have used that money.
Sara. Sara.
这家伙是从核潜艇来的？ The guy from the nuclear sub thing?
Mayron! 就是他 就是那个人? Mayron! That's him. That's the guy?
我能买些啤酒吗? 我能买五罐啤酒吗? Can I get some beers down here? Can I get five beers?
对不起,一些啤酒! Excuse me,some beers!
怎么了,每个人? What's up,everybody?
让我们制造些噪音! Let's make some noise!
今晚,一个幸运粉丝将 Tonight,one lucky fan is going to
有机会从半场投篮以 get a chance to shoot from half court
赢得“迪斯尼世界”的家庭度假! to win a family vacation to Disney World!
我们的幸运粉丝是坐在 And our lucky fan is sitting in
113区 section 113,
第6排 row 6,
C-1 他在哪里? 让我们看看 他在哪里? C-1. Where is he? Let's see it. Where is he?
是我 是我,我中了! It's me. It's me,I win!
他在那儿 我中了 There he is. I win.
我回去迪斯尼乐园的 我会成功的 I'm-a make it to Disneyland. I'm-a make it all right.
好吧,Brad! 哇,Brad! All right,Brad! Yay,Brad!
耶,Brad! Yay,Brad!
啊,先生,你好吗? 你叫什么名字? AH right,sir,how you doing? What's your name?
首先,我爱我的孩子们 First off,I love my kids.
他爱他的孩子们! 算了吧！ He loves his kids! Let's give it up!
如果有人对他们做任何事 And if anyone was ever to do anything to them,
我会揍他们 好的 I would hurt them. Okay.
我会狠狠地揍他们! I would freakin' hurt them!
好吧 Okay
这个家伙正试图把带他们! This guy over here is trying to take them!
想要偷走我的家人 Trying to steal my family.
他不出汗! He doesn't sweat!
好的,你知道吗? 为什么我们不投篮… Okay,you know what? Why don't we just shoot...
但我有事要告诉你,伙计! But I got news for you,buddy!
昨晚你睡的时候, Last night,while you were sleeping,
我和我们的妻子做爱! I made love to our wife!
好的 我的妻子! Okay. My wife!
Sara,就在那里! Sara,right over there!
从我裤子里掏出鸡鸡! Took my Wiener out of my pants!
这是你家的事 好吗? This is a family event,okay?
嘘! 嘘! 好的 Boo! Boo! All right.
所以 So
即使Sara接受你,你也必将是个 even if Sara does pick you,you're going to have to be
我孩子的继父! the stepdad to my kid!
你看看你多喜欢这样! 好吗? You see how you like it! Okay?
让我们找个另外人到这里来 好吗？ 另外人… Let's get somebody else down here,all right? Somebody else...
另外人会赢得家庭旅行! Somebody else is going to win a family trip!
你,把球给我 Give me that ball,you.
这一个球是献给Dylan和Megan和Sara和Dylan This one's for Dylan and Megan and Sara and Dylan.
空心进球 Nothing but net.
啊,他要投篮了! 空心进球! AH right,he's going for it! Nothing but net!
犯规! Do-over!
那是犯规! 不,犯规,不! That's a do-over! No do-over. No.
那是犯规! It's a do-over!
我很抱歉你必须看到这样 我很抱歉 I'm so sorry you had to see that. I'm so sorry.
嘿,孩子,你为什么不进去 穿上你的睡衣? Hey,kids,why don't you go inside and put on your pajamas?
你在做什么? 我在安慰你 What are you doing? I'm comforting you.
Sara,你听着…对不起,太快了 我知道 Sara,look... Sorry,too soon. I know.
但我只是想让你知道 我在这里为你和孩子们 But I just want you to know that I'm here for you and the kids.
真的吗?你现在想成为一个真正的父母了吗?就是这样吗? Really? You want to be a real parent now? Is that what this is?
绝对 现在我就在这里 Absolutely. I'm here now.
Dusty,我工作很忙 Dusty,I'm working crazy hours this week.
Brad走了,你必须接送孩子们去学校 With Brad gone,the kids are gonna have to be dropped off,
带他们去参加游泳课 picked up,taken to swimming lessons.
周二Dylan与伊莱有个玩耍约会 Dylan has a play date with Eli on Tuesday,
周五Megan有个牙医预约 and Megan has a dentist appointment on Friday.
Sara,我知道在过去我不靠谱 Sara,I know in the past I've been unreliable,
但现在是个全新 好吗? 全新的Dusty but this is a new me. All right? This is the new Dusty.
嗯,你不能骑摩托车带他们去上学 Well,you can't take them to school on a motorcycle.
你需要一辆车 就这么办 You need a car. Done.
好吧 Okay.
嘿!你不能留在这里! Hey! You're not staying here!
你确定你现在不需要人陪吗? Are you sure you don't need company right now?
你正在经历一个艰难的转变 I mean,you're going through a tough transition here.
准时明天早上六点半在这里 Be here at 6:30 tomorrow morning.
至少让我进去拿我的东西吧? Can I at least come in and get my stuff?
不! No!
我再等一会儿以免你改变主意 I'm gonna wait for a while,in case you change your mind.
嘿 Hey.
你要把Griff也扔出去吗? What did you throw Griff out for?
这地方太混乱了 This place is chaotic.
屋里总有一些狗屎事情 There's always some bullshit going on in that house.
上帝 哥们 想去Red Roof Inn酒店吗? God,man. Want to go to the Red Roof Inn?
走吧 Let's do it.
那是“肉桂面包脆”吗? Is that Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
是的,先生 Yes,sir.
四天后
好吧 不准乱跑! Okay. No running!
好吧 林赛! 斯隆! 汽车开在那里! All right. Lindsey! Sloane! Car's open right down there!
好了 先生 待在三角锥内! 就像冰淇淋一样顺顺走 Okay,sir,inside the cones! Just like ice cream!
保持在里面… Keep it inside...
那很好! 谢谢你！ That's right! Thank you.
嗨 在过去几天我看到你一直接送Megan和Dylan Hi. I see you've been picking up Megan and Dylan these past few days.
从现在开始我可以指望你吗? Should I expect you from now on?
我是他们的亲生爸爸,所以是的,从现在开始 I'm their real dad,so yeah,from now on.
棒极了 我也看到你 Terrific. I see that you also
还没有签署志愿在车道上帮忙 haven't signed up to volunteer in the lane.
Brad很好 给我们在车道上 Brad was so good about helping us out in the lane,
在教室里,学生家长和教师联谊会等等上帮助 in the classroom,PTA,and so forth.
我们总是可以指望他 在烘焙食品义卖 春季颂歌 We could always count on him for bake sales,Spring Sing,
冬季服装盛会等活动上 你知道该怎么做吧 costumes for Winter Pageant. You know the drill.
我希望我可以依靠你就像新的“Brad” I hope I can count on you to be the new Brad.
当然,是的 你可以指望我 Sure,yeah. You can count on me.
我是他们亲爸爸,所以,是的,我每天都会来这里 I mean,I'm their real dad,so,yeah,I'll be here every day.
太好了 所以,如果你的孩子们没在这,我就需要你绕个圈 Great. So,if your kids aren't out here,I'm gonna need you to circle around
到后面排队 好吗? to the back of the line. Okay?
不,我不能绕回去 谢谢 No,I can't go around. Thanks.
我提前了十分钟所以我不需要… I came ten minutes early so I don't have to...
如果你的孩子没有在这里,你必须绕回去! If your kids aren't here,you have to go around!
我知道 有人在我的前面 好吗? I know. There's somebody in front of me. Okay?
请绕回去! Just go around!
我不能压那三角锥! 我被困在这里! I can't just go over the cones! I'm boxed in here!
绕回去! 不,你不能! 好吗? Go around! No,you can't! Okay?
她说要待在三角锥内的 像冰淇淋一样! She said stay in the cone,like ice cream!
绕回去! Go around!
待在三角锥内!! Inside the cones!
阿曼达有个诗歌朗诵会! Amanda has got a recital!
我必须去那里! 你必须开走! I have to get there! You need to go!
嘿! Hey!
我们说好要待在三角锥内的! We always stay inside the cones!
三角锥啦! Cones!
三角锥! 拜托! Cones! Come on!
在过去的几天 你一直住在这里吗,Brad? Have you been living here for the last few days,Brad?
不 No.
那么这些然毯子和热锅咋回事呢？ Then what's with the blankets and the hot plate
还有体臭（Body Odor）？ and the B.O.?
我拉屎在废纸篓了 I crapped in the wastebasket.
你知道,Brad,在和Charlene一起两年后 You know,Brad,two years into my thing with Charlene,
她的第一任丈夫出现了 一个东方的家伙 her first husband showed up. Oriental fellow.
你不能这么说 你不能说“东方” You can't say that. You cannot say Oriental.
他的名字叫于或吴 可能是叫贾维尔 His name was Yu or Wu. It could have been Javier.
不管怎样,有一天我早下班 到回家后发现 Anyway,I get off early one day,get home,and
他在那里 一丝不挂躺在我们的床上 there he is,stark naked in our bed.
我不知道想什么 I didn't know what to think.
真的吗? 你不知道想什么? Really? You didn't know what to think?
六个月后,我在中国的监狱里醒来 Six months later,I wake up in a Chinese prison
与一个纹身在我的后背 with a tattoo on my lower back
是滚向我的屁眼的一个高尔夫球 of a golf ball rolling towards my butthole.
我不能再听这些故事了 I can't hear these stories anymore.
我很抱歉 我想这些故事应该有帮助… I'm sorry. I know they're supposed to help...
Griff! 你在这里干什么? Griff! What are you doing here?
我想你应该知道 Dusty早些时候来过酒吧 Thought you should know Dusty came by the bar earlier.
他说他一点都不知道怎样处理爸爸该做的事情 He was talking about how he can't do the daddy thing.
我试图劝他理智些 I tried to talk some sense into him
但他似乎决定离开小镇 but he seemed determined to get out of town.
什么,他要离开? What,he's leaving?
我想我不必告诉你,但Megan的舞蹈是今晚, I don't think I have to tell you,but little Megan's dance is tonight,
她会没有一个爸爸陪她 and she's not going to have a daddy.
这太棒了 Brad,你赢了 That's fantastic. Brad,you win.
而Dusty,因为懦弱,失败了 And Dusty,because of an act of cowardice,loses.
你又是爸爸了 I mean,you're the daddy again.
来吧,击掌 Come on,hit that.
不,我不是她的爸爸 No,I'm not her daddy.
我多希望我是 I wish more than anything I was,
但我不是 but I'm not.
是 你是对的,Brad 真正的父亲不会如此轻易放弃自己的孩子 Yeah,you're right,Brad. A real dad wouldn't give up on his kids so easy.
Griff!
等等! Wait!
他还在房间里呢,Brad He's still in the room,Brad.
嘿, Hey
对不起 我以为你冲出去了 Sorry. I thought you stormed out.
你所说的听起来你像要冲出去 然后我听到了关门 What you said sounded like a storm-out,and then I heard the door close.
我只想那些属于个人隐私 I just thought that shit was getting kind of personal,
所以关上门比较好 so it'd be good to close the door.
想得非常周到 谢谢你！是的 So extremely thoughtful. Thank you. Yeah.
那么你知道我要去哪里了 And just so you know where my head was at,
我要沿着走廊去追你 对吧? I was going to chase you down the hallway. Right?
你会听到我的脚步声,然后你会想“有人在后面追…发生什么事了?” You'd hear my footsteps and you're like,ls someone after... What's going on?
是我,于是我说“Griff 嘿！” It's me,and I'm like,Griff,hey!
“你是对的” You were right.
狗屎!这是鼓舞人心的 Holy shit! That would be so uplifting.
我们会这样做吗? Can we do that?
Griff,你冲出去，然后Brad 你去追他? Griff,can you storm out,and Brad,you go after him?
我真的不想那样子 I don't really want any part of that.
对于我这听起来纯粹是胡说八道 That sounds like pure nonsense to me.
我不想做…我宁可不做 I don't want... I'd rather not.
我们可以试一试 We could just try it.
不,那听起来像是被迫的和奇怪的尝试去 No,that sounds forced and weird to try to
重现某件事 甚至算不上重现 recreate something. Not even recreate.
这是可以做作 它不会发生 It would be creating. It didn't happen.
在这件事上这属于过度讨论 It's over-discussed at this point.
你不应该去看你的孩子吗? Shouldn't you go see your kid?
是的 是的 好的 Yeah. Yeah. All right.
你们走吧 Brad,我能来吗? You guys go. Brad,can I come?
不 No.
爸爸的不会来了,是吗? Daddy's not coming,is he?
亲爱的,他会来的 他承诺过的 Honey,he'll be here. He promised.
我看到那边有蛋糕杯 I see cupcakes over there.
我认为你应该去吃一些 去吧 I think you should go eat some. Go on.
去多吃点糖 Go eat a lot of sugar.
Dusty.
不是 拜托,Dusty Nope. Come on,Dusty.
你要去哪里? Where are you going?
我愿意支付数十亿美元若能带她去跳舞 I'd pay a billion dollars to take her to that dance.
你却要离开? 那你带她去吧 You're just gonna leave? You take her then.
我不能带她去 好吗? 我不会受欢迎当我说了 I can't take her. Okay? I'm not welcome after I said
我要把一个怨恨宝宝放进她母亲肚子后 I was gonna put a spite baby in her mother.
我想这下完蛋了 是的,这下完蛋了 I guess that's out,then. Yeah,that is out.
所以必须是你去带她跳舞 So it's gotta be you.
对不起,Brad,我做不到 好吗? I'm sorry,Brad,I just can't do it,all right?
为什么你做不到？ What do you mean,you can't do it?
我都不能沿着圆锥体里面开车 I can't stay inside the cones.
听着,Dusty,圆锥体在那里是为了大家的安全 Look,Dusty,the cones are there for everyone's safety.
这不是关于圆锥体 你刚才说是的 It's not about the cones. You just said it was.
圆锥体是一个比喻,Brad The cones are a metaphor,Brad.
我做不了家庭妇男 好吗？ I'm not the domestic type,okay?
Dusty,得了 你在说什么呢? Dusty,come on. What are you talking about?
你很有条理,手也很巧 You're organized,you're handy.
你能做我曾经尝过的最好的肉桂卷 You make the best cinnamon rolls I have ever tasted.
那些是从“Cinnabons”买的,Brad 天哪 Those were Cinnabons,Brad. Come on.
在一个传统烤箱里你是做不出那样的肉桂卷的 You can't make rolls like that in a conventional oven.
我知道是这样!我知道！我从一开始就知道是这样子! I knew it! I knew it. I knew it from the beginning!
所以你一直在说着吹牛大话,是吗? So you've been telling some tall tales,huh?
所有的“特种部队”之类东西 不,只有肉桂是吹牛的! All that Special Ops stuff. No,just the Cinnabons!
你为什么从“Cinnabons”买的要撒谎? Why would you lie about Cinnabons?
因为我想赢 好吗? 'Cause I wanted to win. All right?
我想证明我也是一个好爸爸,但我不是 I wanted to prove that I was a good dad,too,but I'm not.
好吗? 现在你开心了? 这是你想听到的? Okay? Are you happy? Is that what you want to hear?
所有的噪音和混乱 所有的选择 All the noise and the mess and all the choices.
你只要做错一件事,你可就会毁了他们的生活 You do one thing wrong,you can screw them up for life.
你知道这些吗? 是的 Do you realize that? Yeah.
爸爸们必须要做很多选择,好吗? Dads have to make a lot of choices,okay?
大部分被我们搞砸了 And we blow most of them.
是的,还有其他家长 Yeah,and the other parents.
那个孩子,伊莱 我去那里赴玩耍约会 你知道这个吧? That kid,Eli. I was over there for a play date. You know about this?
你不能骑着摩托机车去一个朋友家里 You can't just ride your bike over to a friend's house,
再玩风火轮小汽车 to play Hot Wheels anymore,
现在你得另作约会？ now you got to make some kind of date?
我知道,这是耻辱 好吧,我到了那里 I know,it's a shame. Well,I'm over there,
那孩子的爸爸不停地问我是否Dylan必须 and the kid's dad keeps asking me if Dylan's gonna be
参加“天才项目”和伊莱一起 in the gifted program with Eli.
好像Dylan没有他那小鸡巴挠挠孩子一样聪明 Like Dylan isn't as smart as his little ball-scratcher kid.
我想杀了那沾沾自喜的鸟人 I wanted to murder that smug prick.
Dusty,听着,我也讨厌那个家伙,好吗? Dusty,look,I hate that guy,too,okay?
但他儿子是Dylan最好的朋友,所以就忍了吧 But his son is Dylan's best friend,so you suck it up.
大多数爸爸做的事情就是承受鸟事 I mean,that's most of what dads do,is take shit.
那就是我们要做的 I mean,that's what we do.
我做不了这个,Brad 我做不到像你一样承受鸟事 I can't do it,Brad. I can't take shit like you do.
你承受鸟事比我见过的任何人都厉害 You take shit better than anyone I've ever met,
那是从我打心底里对你的恭维 and I mean that as a compliment from the bottom of my heart.
谢谢 但是我很抱歉,Brad 我做不了 Thank you. But I'm sorry,Brad. I can't.
我做不了 哥们 I can't do it,man.
你承诺了Megan,而你必须信守承诺 You made a promise to Megan,and you're gonna keep it.
刚刚你打了我的脸吗,Brad? Did you just punch me in the face,Brad?
是的 Yes.
明显是让我没有选择揍扁你的脸吗? Knowing full well I got no choice but to bust you up now?
我真的希望你不要 I really wish you wouldn't.
如果我去了,你会唬住那些孩子,不是吗? If I did,you'd take that beatdown for those kids,wouldn't you?
是的 是的,我会的 Yeah. Yeah,I would.
来吧 祝你好运,Dusty Come on. Good luck,Dusty.
什么?不,不,你必须来 What? No,no,you gotta come.
只是…我说了那些话后我没脸见Sara It's just... I can't see Sara after what I said.
Sara爱你,Brad 好吗? 我知道你对她说什么 Sara loves you,Brad. All right? I know just what to say to her.
你只是站在那里 没了她像丢了魂似的 You just stand there and look lost without her.
我没了她就丢了魂 这很好 那么我们走吧 I am lost without her. That's good. Then let's go.
但我看起来糟透了 是的,的确是 到这里来 But I look terrible. Yeah,you do. Come here.
你在做什么? 我帮你修整一下 哥们 What are you doing? I'm fixing you up,man.
Dusty,把你的手从我的裤子里拿出来 Dusty,get your hands out of my pants.
冷静 是我想碰你的小鸡鸡吗？ Calm down. Think I want to touch your little dinky?
我想帮你修整 I'm trying to fix you up.
好吧 让我看看 All right. Let me see.
哇 我看起来很好 Wow. I look great.
好了 Here you go.
这不可思议 来吧 That's incredible. Come on.
嘿,南瓜 He) ',Pumpkin.
爸爸想要在这里,我知道他会这样的 他只是… Daddy wanted to be here,I know he did. He just gets...
她叉着双臂呢 She's doing her arms-folded thing.
你说她会微笑的 也许至少从缓慢的鼓掌开始 You said she'd smile. Maybe even start a slow clap.
别担心,我会搞定这个 好吗? 来吧 Don't worry,I got this. Okay? Come on.
嘿,看,这家伙把他的孩子滞留在了学校 Hey,look,it's the guy that stranded his kids at school.
看看他和谁在一起 And look who he's with.
在你来这的路上你让谁怀孕了吗,Brad? Did you get anybody pregnant on your way over here,Brad?
不,我没有 No,I didn't.
萨拉,听… 不! Sara,listen... No!
Sara 求你了！ 不 我不会听你的 Sara,please. No. I am not going to listen to you.
你知道吗?你的女儿一直坐在那里两个小时了,很伤心 You know what? Your daughter's been sitting there for two hours,heartbroken.
Sara,我很抱歉… Sara,I am so sorry...
现在 拜托 你们哪个笨蛋还不赶快去邀你女儿跳支舞 Just,please. Will one of you idiots just ask your daughter to dance?
真的吗? 是的 Really? Yes.
你们两个都配不上她 但是的 Neither one of you deserves her,but yes.
去吧,Dusty 不,你第一个去 Go ahead,Dusty. No,you take the first one.
你比我付出的更多 You've earned it more than I have.
Dusty,她是你的女儿 Dusty,please,she's your daughter.
我错过什么吗? What the hell did I miss?
我告诉你这样 我会为你向孩子们担保,而我第一个去跳舞 I'll tell you what. I'll vouch for you to the kids and I'll take the first dance.
我会说再见,然后我就不打扰你们了 I'll say my good-byes,and then I'll get out of your hair.
等待,等待 当你说“不打扰你们” Wait,wait. When you say get out of your hair,
你的意思是离开,就像离开-离开？ 今晚吗? you mean leave,like leave-leave? Tonight?
爸爸! Brad! 那些四年级的在这里 Daddy! Brad! The fourth graders are here.
他们又在找Dylan的茬 They're picking on Dylan again.
就是这样 那些小白痴必死了 That's it. Those little shitheads are dead.
他们在哪儿? Where are they?
那些是四年级的吗? Those are the fourth graders?
她们是女孩子 她们很刻薄 They're girls. They're so mean.
为什么你会在这里参加“父女跳舞”呢? Why are you even here at the Daddy-Daughter Dance?
你是个女儿吗? 你是个女孩吗? Are you a daughter? Are you a girl?
你是不是不敢把我带上？ 如果没有那些小朋友帮你 Are you too scared to take me on without your little friends?
不,他叫出了那大的一个 No,he's calling out the big one.
不,不,不 No,no,no.
来吧! Come on!
Dylan!
是的! Yes!
Dylan,你在做什么? 你看到了吗? 你看到了? Dylan,what are you doing? Did you see? Did you see?
我打了她的脸,就像你教我的那样 I punched her in the face,just like you taught me.
什么? 然后我就踢她的蛋蛋 What? And then I kicked her right in the nuts.
你喜欢那样吗 婊子? You like that,bitch?
不,不,不! 你想要更多吗,婊子? No,no,no! You want some more,bitch?
亲爱的,发生了什么事? 这是怎么回事? Sweetheart,what happened? What's going on here?
他打了我的脸 He punched me in the face.
然后他踢在我泳衣位置 Then he kicked me in the swimsuit area.
然后他叫我婊子 Then he called me the B word.
是谁干的,他吗? Who did,him?
他做到了，我看见的 他说他们教他打女孩 He did. I saw it. He said they taught him to hit girls.
不,不 我们以为你的女儿是一个男孩 No,no. We thought your daughter was a boy.
什么? 不,他的意思是 What? No,what he means is that
Dylan告诉我们,一个四年级的学生对他横加指责 Dylan told us that a fourth grader was picking on him,
但他没有告诉我们是个女孩 but he didn't tell us it was a girl.
是的,如果你有,我们会告诉你永远不要打一个女孩 Yeah,and if you had,we'd have told you it's never okay to hit a girl.
可能她只来欺负你 And that she's probably only bugging you
因为她喜欢你 哥们 because she likes you,buddy.
我不喜欢他 I do not like him.
我觉得她喜欢他 I think she likes him.
下流 我无所谓 Gross,whatever.
她完全喜欢他 She totally does.
你是说我的女儿妓女吗? Are you calling my daughter a whore?
什么? 他们在暗示,杰里 What? They were implying it,Jerry.
等等 那太牵强了 Wait. That's quite a stretch.
Troy太太,别 我搞定这个 Mrs. Troy,please. I got this.
等等,首先,你们哪一个是孩子的爸爸? Wait,first of all,which one of you two is the kid's dad?
他们两者都是 They both are.
哦,我的天啊 哇! Oh,my gosh. Wow!
我很抱歉 这是第一次他称我为爸爸 I'm sorry. That's the first time he's ever referred to me as Dad.
这是我等待很久想要听的 It's something I've wanted to hear for a long time,
所以它有点令人心酸 so it's a bit poignant.
我要大哭一场 I tend to cry a lot
当事情变得情绪化 他们就会取笑我 when things get emotional. They tease me all the time.
我实际是继父 对吗? I'm actually the stepdad. Is that right?
所以你是真的爸爸! So you're the real dad!
嘿 你不想让自己难堪,老兄 Hey. You don't want to embarrass yourself,buddy.
你现在威胁我吗,硬汉? You threatening me now,tough guy?
他是在威胁你,杰瑞 没人威胁任何人 He's threatening you,Jerry. Nobody's threatening anybody.
但你会想要言归于好,杰里 But you're gonna want to back that up,Jerry.
而你,章鱼哥领带 别再煽风点火 And you,Squidward tie. Quit being an instigator,
否则我会撕烂你的嘴 or I'm gonna have to rap you in the mouth.
嘿,嘿,嘿 每个人都冷静 Hey,hey,hey. Everyone just calm down.
我们在“父女跳舞”舞会上呢 We're at the Daddy-Daughter Dance.
你离远点,好吗? 你不做数! You stay out of it,all right? You don't count!
我想跟这里真正的爸爸谈谈 I want to talk to the real dad here.
嗨,Brad在这里比我们任何一个更是真正的父亲 Hey,Brad here is more of a real dad than any of us.
你要是想知道应该怎样抚养你的孩子 You ever want to see how you should be raising your kids,
去看看这个家伙 go look at this guy.
又说到我了 我告诉过你什么? Here I go again. What did I tell you?
真的吗? 你的意思是? 是的,我做,Brad Really? You mean that? Yes,I do,Brad.
你是一个伟大的爸爸 You're a great dad.
像这样吗? 你不应该那样做的 Like that? You shouldn't have done that.
是吗? 为什么? Yeah? Why?
我非常肯定杀人是他的工作 I'm pretty sure he kills people for a job.
他一直和我神神秘秘的 但这就是我的某种揣摩 He's been rather vague with me,but that's what I'm kind of surmising.
我们要这样做? 我们要这样做 Are we gonna do this? We're gonna do it.
好的 你准备好了? 是的,我准备好了 Okay. You ready? Yeah,I'm ready.
这就是你要得到的 爸爸 This is what you get. Daddy.
想要另一个吗? 进来吧 Want another one? Come on in.
怎么了？ What's going on?
这像一些“终极格斗锦标赛”吗？ Is this like some UFC shit?
来吧,Brad Come on,Brad.
这是对的 这是一个舞蹈,杰里 That's right. It's a dance,Jerry.
是的 所以跳舞吧,杰瑞! Yeah. So dance,Jerry!
是啊!你刚得到了服务,杰瑞! Yeah! You just got served,Jerry!
你刚得到了一个滚烫的服务 You just got a piping hot serving.
我没有得到服务 你刚被缝好! I'm not getting served. You're getting sewed!
对这你不了解我,杰瑞,但我喜欢活动身体 You don't know this about me,Jerry,but I like to move my body.
明白了吗,Brad! Get it,Brad!
是啊!是的,Brad! Yeah! Yeah,Brad!
这是一个跳舞! 我们跳吧! This is a dance! Let's go!
我是唯一脱掉衬衫的吗? Am I the only one with my shirt off?
你知道你不能离开,对吗? You know you can't leave,right?
你想让我留下来吗? You want me to stay?
这些家伙都成长那么快 你不想错过的 These guys are growing up so fast. You don't want to miss it.
你出了这么多汗 You're sweating profusely.
我知道 我出汗很多 这很酷 I know. I sweat a lot. That's cool.
谢谢你！ Thank you.
所以Dusty确实留下来了 So Dusty did stay.
然后用那些巨款 And with the huge amount of money
他代言The Panda的声音赚来的 he was making as the voice of The Panda,
建立自己的新城堡 he built his own new castle
就在街另一头 right down the street.
嘿! Hey!
但我们留着Tumor因为不能和Dusty的新小狗友好相处 But we kept Tumor because he didn't get along with Dusty's new puppy.
原来Tumor只有五岁… It turns out Tumor was only five...
…所以我们要养它 ... so we're going to have him
很长,很长一段时间 for a long,long time.
Tumor! Tumor!
让我大吃一惊的是 And I was more than a little surprised
有一天Dusty和他的新妻子的出现 when Dusty showed up one day with his new wife
还有他的继女 and his new stepdaughter.
这是我的继女,Adriana This is my stepdaughter,Adriana.
嘿,Adriana 我是Brad 想去玩吗? Hey,Adriana. I'm Brad. Want to go play?
那是你的弟弟和妹妹 你们玩得友善点,好吗? That's your brother and sister. You guys play nice,okay?
嘿,亲爱的 是谁在门口? Hey,hon. Who's at the door?
嘿,Sara 这是我的太太,Karen Hey,Sara. This is my wife,Karen.
是…你妻子吗? Is it... Your wife?
这是Karen 哇,她真漂亮 That Karen,wow,she is so great.
她原来是 It turns out she's
个医生 著名的小说家 我是说 a doctor and a celebrated novelist. I mean...
亲爱的,你会… Hon,would you...
过来 Griff 过来 Griff 他太可爱了 Come here,Griff. Come here,Griff. He's so cute.
而当我发现我们居然同岁是我更惊讶了 And I was so surprised when I found out that we're the same age.
我指的是,她看起来那么年轻,对吗? I mean,she looks so young,right?
这对她很好! Good for her!
亲爱的,今晚你看起来很棒 Honey,you look amazing tonight.
你在说什么? What are you talking about?
这只是我平常的衣服 我本来就这样 It's just my normal clothes. That's how I look.
我只是准备得很快 I just got ready really fast.
嘿 Griff 嘿 小Griffy Hey,Griff. Hey,little Griffy.
你想到爸爸这儿来吗? You want to come to Daddy?
什么,你认为我要偷他钱包还是别的什么? What,you think I'm going to pick his pockets or something?
不 他都不带钱包 No. He doesn't carry a wallet.
亲爱的,小心那把刀,好吗? Sweetie,be careful with that knife,okay?
你不是我的爸爸 You're not my dad.
Brad是正确的 Brad was right.
当继父并不总是容易的 Being a stepdad isn't always easy.
但他也是对的 就是这值得的 But he was also right that it's worth it.
他买那辆Ford Flex也是对的 And he was right about the Ford Flex,too.
这是一台很棒的家庭汽车 It's a great family car.
有足够的空间给孩子们 装备以及很好的加速性能 Got plenty of room for the kids,gear,and plenty of pickup for me.
我买了“周末旅行者套餐”车型 I got the Weekender package.
比Brad的车多了些花俏修饰 A few more bells and whistles than Brad's,
但Brad不需要知道那个 but Brad doesn't need to know that.
爸爸! Daddy!
亲爱的,我一直在等你来… Sweetie,I've been waiting for you to...
你刚才咽口水? 没有 Did you just gulp? No.
我听到咽口水声音了 I heard a gulp.
嗯,也许有点吧 Well,a little bit,maybe.
当然 你在这儿 Sure. There you are.
他比你大很多 He's a lot bigger than you.
他腿那么粗壮 He's got legs for arms.
小不点,你猜怎么着? Little star,guess what?
我喜欢他 我很喜欢他 I like him. I like him a lot.
是的 我打赌他也会喜欢我们 Yeah. I bet you he's going to like us,too.
记住,爱的栅栏 只是去打个招呼 Remember,Loving Fence. Just go say hi.
是的,看着,我会搞定,老兄 小心点 Yeah,look,I got this,buddy. Watch.
嘿 你一定是罗杰 Hey. You must be Roger.
不是 Nope.
两个老爸